Daniel Josh Davis

Future mall Santa 🎅🏻

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

@elonmusk @SecDuffy Meanwhile at SpaceX

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

Is he cute? Or does he just have sunglasses on in every picture?

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

PACK 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 COURT 👏🏻

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

I keep the pre-installed period tracking app on my Apple Watch because I’m a god damn feminist.

[philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_]

Zack was at work, saw the Brooklyn shooting suspect on security cameras, and notified authorities:

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

#RodeoHouston

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

#SuperBowlLVI

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate the fact that the Nicole Kidman AMC commercial was released in our lifetime.

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

How are all of the former tanning salon employee gays doing?

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

Good afternoon to everyone except people who karate chop their throw pillows down the middle. Who hurt you?

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

BREAKING NEWS: The CDC has released a statement saying that the Johnson & Johnson vaccine is just essential oils sold by some random girl you went to high school with.

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

Remember Chelsea? that girl who fell after telling the news reporter the snow was perfect for running? Where is she now? How is she doing? Is she still with Michael? I think about her often.

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

The audacity of my coworkers scheduling meetings today, interrupting my deep dive into Adele’s album.

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

I asked another tourist to take my picture. When she was finished, she told me, “I took a lot”… there were 3 pictures. Three.

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

I hate to be that person, but I was mentally ill before it was trendy.

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

@libbyemmons Ta ta!

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

I wonder how Tom from MySpace is doing? I think about him often.

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

Accidentally bought gluten-free pancake mix and now I’m seeking legal counsel because my tastebuds have been assaulted.

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

#tbt to that time in 6th grade when I was embarrassed by the stretch marks on my stomach so I went out of the way to tell everyone in the locker room I was attacked by a cat.

[Daniel Josh Davis @danieljoshdavis]

I’m shooting a new workout video. It’s just going to be me teaching the audience how to ungracefully change a duvet cover.