Dan

[Dan @danjk16]

@flargie @sliceinterlude abd in a 38 game season we haven’t been awarded a single penalty 😹😹 we’ve been poor but at the same time been extremely hard done by by incorrect refereeing decisions

[Lia 🍉🥨 @shecantreadd]

Hot ppl listen to Interpol

[Damien B @cfcbroom]

You've hit the jackpot if you get the Dark Destroyer on The Chase. Costs ITV thousands that bloke

[mike from veep @selinaknope]

will arnett divorce movie you guys won best picture

[Wontwo Badsoup @wontwobadsoup]

The victoria line is hot because of the mechanical demon that lives in its tunnels. The train screams because its afraid of what lives at the end of the line

[Sgt Blackout 🫡 @coldcallsniper]

Never heard a beer complain when you finish in 30 seconds

[Lemón 🍋 @cigarettesummer]

Alcohol isn’t bad for you if it’s served at a sunny outdoor seating

[Dan @danjk16]

@joyful_union @SeamusColeminer @nikicaga

[LZ @secondhandfart]

@pubity Arteta launching long throw-ins into Israel.

[Lux @thisislux]

once a fork touches pet food it is taken out of rotation permanently. it is ritually impure, it must never touch human food again or the gate to heaven will be blocked for you on the day of judgement

[Alex Nichols @Lowenaffchen]

BAFTA owes me an apology too because I thought that was my uncle yelling from the other room and we had an hourlong argument about it

[paul lewis @sirpaullewis]

@johnbestwest I do that all the time, don’t work there just love to see people being arrested

[Pixel Bush @PixelBushYT]

Americans finding a way to be horribly ableist: so imagine a burger

[Dan @danjk16]

@MXVonXM @Trevorlloyd92 You would know a lot about primary schools wouldn’t you you raging pedophile

[Beci Carver @becimay]

One of my students brought this heartbreaking poem to class to today

[Mikey O’ver @MikeyOver1]

I have never seen a better executed order for the table in my life

Down to the details:
- napkin tuck for order
- upping portion sizes in a blink
- the Bao Bun execution
- asking the server for recs
- politeness and complete control of the room

Wow.

[ot @Toal_O]

Turned down the bao buns initially. The people wanted two bao buns. Upgraded the order to include four bao buns. No hesitation. Adapted and unfazed. Man of the people. True leadership.

[wicked wigger of the west @Nick_Cerveza]

I just have to look at my phone a little bit more and something incredible will happen