danielle

mango allergy warrior

[danielle @danni_kaufman]

Unfortunately I love red-40, High Noons, Zyns, seed oils, and repressing my emotions

[gonad o'brien @gonad_obrien]

white people be like we had to narcan our shih tzu

[playful peter @w0rldmap]

Finished wordle, crossword, connections, spelling bee, strands and sudoku. Time to go to the liquor store

[danielle @danni_kaufman]

Hmmm time to relax and go to bed *opens prion disease Wiki*

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

as a person who already assumes she deserves Cosmic Punishment, i would be no fun whatsoever for jigsaw. Yeah man, I’m fundamentally evil. No arguments. Strap me into the Chest Exploder 3000

[Jack Jokinen @JJFromTheBronx]

This is how I look when I’m trying to find a cigarette at a wedding

[danielle @danni_kaufman]

Luteal phase u can go to hell

[dustin Couch @Dustinkcouch]

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early

astronaut: moon's haunted

nasa employee: what?

astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon's haunted

[oatmeal influencer @acechhh]

when you work in a hospital, it’s either 12 hours of cackling with your coworkers or 12 hours even Satan couldn’t dream up

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

sometimes I want to be skinnier but then I remember that body types are kind of like dog breeds and if im a corgi who wants to lose weight to look like an italian greyhound that won’t make me look like an italian greyhound it’ll just make me look like a sick ugly corgi so nvm

[danielle @danni_kaufman]

Love when you’re shopping online “model is 5’8 wearing a size XS/0” okay well this shopper is a big bitch who likes Reese’s

[stupid idoit t @peeholelicker]

no dude i actually think it's really cool that i Trusted you more than anything and you let me down i Really think that's awesome

[ronny @7beautifulsoul]

before you meet the love of your life you must conquer the four horsemen of abusive boyfriends

[Sarah @SarahDuggers]

No, I hate to see you relax while I hoover, do three loads of washing, empty the dishwasher and plan what to cook. Hope that helps.

[hannah @crankhart]

I feel like i just crawled out of hell

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

Depression is so embarrassing. Oh no I’ve lost interest in day to day activities

[Jett 🜲 @iky_fwjett]

imagine a crab coming out of the sea pressuring you to kiss a girl you just met two days ago in a jamaican accent

[(Gay) Signal @NopeSignal]

Guy who skipped out on watching like 50 Latinas throwing ass on the field to watch Kid Rock.

[cj @futurevictim_]

the only lasting 9/11 memory i have is when the budweiser ad with the kneeling clydesdales came on during the super bowl and i said "those horses are praying to mecca" and my friend's uncle got so mad that he had to go in the backyard

[g @34rths]

I am in a perpetual state of worry and I have the nervous system of a Chihuahua but I keep thinking that Everything will eventually work out for me in the end