dan 🕸

raised on shania twain and cigarette smoke

[Julia Bunner @jul_bunner]

Buy our Nashville bride a drink this weekend !!! 🤩 @dannimurtaugh

https://t.co/Vv8za1oufA

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

@jul_bunner i’d be offended if you didn’t

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

@jul_bunner invite me

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

just an update: I DID get corrective eye surgery but it wasn’t lasik so in 3-6 months when my vision stabilizes, GAME OVER

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

once i get lasik eye surgery it’s over for u hoes
and by hoes i mean those signs i can’t read even though they are only 5 ft away from me

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

my emotional support hair tie broke so we all know how today is gonna go

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

my dad passed away a year ago today and today, i got my first NP job offer. good looking out pops

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

does anyone want my lower stomach fat donated toward their BBL

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

i broke my nose when i was 11 & i showed someone a pic of me before i broke it & they were like this doesn’t look like you & i jokingly said oh probs bc i broke my nose & they were like yeah thats it! now i have to live not knowing if i’d be 10x hotter if i hadn’t broke my nose

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

niceness does not equal kindness

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

if i’m ever a grown adult and pressed over what high schoolers are wearing or what they think is cool just direct me toward the nearest cliff thanks

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

it’s an existential crisis to go the gym and not know if people are staring at you bc A) you’re hot B) you’re doing something wrong or C) they are disassociating into the void

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

lol uh disregard the ray ban promotion y’all

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

@HeyShelbiLynn9 if you don’t have credentials following your name i don’t want your opinion, chad👋🏼

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

@HeyShelbiLynn9

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

im overrrr the “hoping for the best but expecting the worst” mentality. im expecting the best. that’s it. period. only the best things in whatever form they may come.

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

registering for classes in undergrad used to be so stressful but registering for classes in grad school is like OoOoh NoOo only 80 spots left in advanced research and there’s 3 people in my cohort...

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

@erikafarst gonna assume they had some visual impairment 😭😭

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

extremely humbled by a patient i took care of for an entire shift who said to me “honey you’re gonna be a great nurse :)”

lmao THANKS my 2 years of experience really ain’t shit huh

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

some of y’all still don’t believe we are living in a simulation???

um chile anyways so...💀

[dan 🕸 @dannimurtaugh]

@_alexrice_ @megg_harris the stupidest argument