This day felt so empty. Person that went ghost mode for a while, sent me a happy birthday message out of the blue whilst this bitch that's meant to be a closer person aka friend didn't send shit. Fuck happy birthday messages though, that means nothing, I want the gifts and cake.
I hate how people around me feel satisfied with their backgrounds and flesh prisons or generally don't mind the role they have gotten. I feel like everyone is an actor that fits their role well except for me. I'm the only one that doesn't know their lines or purpose.
Wondering if I should write a 'get into my head' document that I put on my profile and send to people I'm comfortable with so they can get an understanding and not put me through their bullshit or form any misunderstandings. Bc I'm so sick of the shit they bring up that I hate
People are so stupid, unstable and difficult to understand. Celebrating stuff which they don't even believe in, and having no clue why they even do it in the first place. MerRY cHRiStMAS more like Merry Crisis and Merry existence is a curse.
Makes my own fictional characters so I can live their exciting lives instead of my boring life. I feel like some behind-the-scenes entity that is just there to gather knowledge so my ocs can benefit from it. Like I live so they can continue living their lives in my head.
Sick of single moms that hoe around and have kids only to be left alone, and then of course the kid(s) suffer because that hoe picked the decision to have kids. Not only her, but that man hoe as well that leaves the mom and child alone. What the hell is wrong with people.
Why can't I be one of those that die? Why must those that want to die live on and suffer and those that want to remain alive, die? I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN IT ALL, I'M SICK OF LIVING SO JUST TAKE ME.
If I couldn't have given consent to whether I want to exist or not, could I AT LEAST have CHOSEN my gender? Could I AT LEAST have CHOSEN my appearance? No, no and no. I have to suffer the way I never chose to be. I HATE THIS FLESH PRISON, I HATE JUST BEING. I HATE PEOPLE.