DAN SMITH II

There’s gotta be an otherworldly being possessing intelligence beyond human comprehension with a Geppetto complex that enjoys toying with my life.

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@AnneErickson RUSH “Moving Pictures”

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@AntiWokeMemes Promise?!

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@1Nicdar Oil

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@its_Lexieroy I hear Mexico is nice and I’ll help you pack

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@Jennifer55gt A penguin wearing a green sweater

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@AntiLeftMemes Exit immediately

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@FarmGirlCarrie Your tip is directly proportional to your service

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@Aliceshaw25 Snake

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

I miss being able to hang up on someone by slamming the rotary phone receiver down. Simply touching the red ‘X’ on my iPhone isn’t the same

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@AntiLeftMemes Nope. Did it in 5th grade and again in 7th grade middle school

[Selene Mariposa @Selene_Mariposa]

The World Cup has turned America into a discovery channel for the rest of the world.

And they are not handling it well.
In the best possible way.

Here is what they are discovering:

Free public restrooms. Europeans pay every time.
Free water at every restaurant. Just appears.
Free refills. Coffee. Sodas. Iced tea. Unlimited.
Free chips and salsa before you even order.
Free warm bread with dinner.
Ice in drinks like civilized people.
Air conditioning everywhere. Not a moral debate. A fact.
Parking lots attached to the actual place you are going.
Drive throughs where the food comes to the car while you sit in it.
Ranch dressing by the gallon.
Tex-Mex that cannot be explained only experienced.
Dental care that actually works.
Buccee’s. There are no words for Buccee’s.

Then they found the grocery stores.

Five of them within one mile.
Each one the size of an aircraft hangar.
Burgers. Steaks. Brisket. Ribs. Pulled pork. Lamb. Veal. Every cut of every animal ever domesticated by human civilization available in one refrigerated aisle at ten in the morning on a Tuesday.

The Germans stood in the meat section for forty five minutes.
In silence.
Processing.

They finally understand why we do not have trains.

We have roads wide enough for the cars we actually drive.
Parking lots the size of small European countries.
Airports in every city worth visiting.

Why would we need trains.

The Germans are taking ranch home by the bottle.
The Dutch found queso and briefly lost the ability to speak.
The Japanese are photographing HEB like it is the Louvre.
The Czechs are weeping in West, Texas.

Welcome to America.
Everything is free, enormous, air conditioned, comes with chips, and has five grocery stores within a mile that will sell you any cut of any animal you have ever imagined.

Write that down. 🦋

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@ThoNg676733 The man literally changed his style halfway through his career

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@AntiWokeMemes Checking my hip for my .40 Cal

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@20th_Centurygal Alex Lifeson of RUSH

[🌴🌞🇺🇸 Florida Mama🇺🇸🌞🌴 @nickberoxbe1989]

@ImMeme0 What a bunch of retards. And we wonder how our country got in the sad state that it's in. The reasons why are all right there on that stage. I thank God for @realDonaldTrump every day.

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@crucifyxmee Loved the rabbits coming out of black top hats live on stage

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@Global_Smith @rushtheband It’s not that I ONLY got to see them 4x live… it’s thank God I WAS ABLE to see them live 4x. Roll the Bones in Pensacola, Fl was my first and followed with the 1st show from Counterparts tour also in Pensacola. Last was R40 in Tampa!

[DAN SMITH II @dansmithii]

@hulu Archer

[James Woods @RealJamesWoods]

Brilliant and sadly so very true.