Adam Smith

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

I imagine death will be like sleeping but without my two-year-old son kneeing me in the back.

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s...an indication you have unhealthy obsession with pizza. #topical #popmusic #edgy

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

Please retweet this. Sincerely, Stephen #lordofthetweets

[Adam Smith @darkertitan]

Great results, awesome rewards just for searching with Bing. Join @BingRewards! I'll get a nice bonus too: http://t.co/pPlKFdMJX5

[AlGoresPenis @AlGoresPenis]

Mythical trolls lived under bridges. Internet trolls live in parent's basements.

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

Researchers have discovered eating bacon lowers sperm count and that researchers waste time & money instead of finding a cure for cancer.