Darth Tittious

Making jokes at my own expense since the 90s.

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

@zaneandheath I'm listening to this week's episode and as soon as Zane's sister started talking about her job. I immediately knew she was talking about Kilwins! I use to work at a Kilwins in my hometown in St. Charles, MO! I could definitely relate to everything she was saying 💜

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

Some people can be so small minded and it really sucks.

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

@Jenna_Marbles please o please for the love of Kermit, get a Nintendo switch and visit my animal crossing island 😍😘

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

true love, even in game form

[x - The Caffeinated Therapist 🐝 @bellabee13]

Schools close, Tom Hanks, trouble in the big banks, no vaccine, quarantine, no more toilet paper seen.

Travel ban, Weinstein, panic COVID-19, NBA, gone away, what else do I have to sayyyyyy

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

@Jenna_Marbles https://t.co/ioH63J0KMp

This is very important. Please read. It is for your own good Jenna!! IT'S A NICHOLAS CAGE MOVIE ABOUT NICHOLAS STARRING NICHOLAS CAGE

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

@SaraBareilles Armour is AMAZING!!! Please bring that soul to St. Louis!!!

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

@shanedawson literally dying over this tag for Philip's link. Looooooving this series!! Keep it up! 😘💜

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

Coughed and burped at the same time.

Not the grossest thing to ever happen to me, but definitely top 10.

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

*sitting at Starbucks alone at a table with one available seat* *stranger chooses to sit in previously mentioned chair*

Me *not in the mood*: I was saving that seat for somebody. 😐

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

4:23pm on a Friday and I just want to go to bed.

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

It's hard to feel bad for someone when they keep going back to the same abusive relationship. You can only help someone so many times before you have to walk away and not make it your problem.

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

@13_LittleWolf When I'm making my 3rd taco and my mom rudely asks if that was my 3rd and I nonchalantly say "yes and I'll be having a 4th and possibly a 5th"

[E! News @enews]

It's #EatWhatYouWantDay and we thought that we'd celebrate.

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

"Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" will always be that song that reminds me of the time my dad fell asleep while singing this at karaoke.

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

Just when your legs start to look tan, you bang up your knee, knick yourself 5 times from shaving and gain 3 new bruises. #Iwillneverhavenicelegs

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

@kurt13warner Unfortunately history repeates itself 😕

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

If I lost just a couple of pounds, I could get rid of the tan line across my stomach where my belly roll is but I enjoy food and laying out too much to do anything about it. #Thoughtswhiletanning

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

Welcome to Missouri where after a year long winter you can get sun burnt in 2… https://t.co/cZpFPbgIGi

[Darth Tittious @darthtittious]

*after watching all of the Despicable Me movies* yeah, I'm waiting to have kids until after the Minion mayhem is over. #UnpopularOpinion #Minionssuck