Swayam Deep Dash

Student, Tech-Enthusiast and Football Fan

[Swayam Deep Dash @dash_swayam]

@NEDUszn8 Alvaro Carreras

[Swayam Deep Dash @dash_swayam]

@damzychillin Diogo Jota

[Ria @RiaRevealed]

The Norwegian journalist asked a simple question: Will PM Modi take critical questions from the Indian press?
Sibi George's answer: 5000 years of civilization, zero, vaccines, G20, democracy, yoga, probably next in line was butter chicken. Omg.
Imagine needing a TED Talk on ancient India just to avoid saying No, the PM won’t face the press.

[Swayam Deep Dash @dash_swayam]

@AnjaliK90891497 Proudly brought to you by Indian Unkil University in association with WhatsApp

[Premier League @premierleague]

Traore v Mbeumo 🏃‍♂️

On your marks, get set, GO! 💨

[Swayam Deep Dash @dash_swayam]

@NoBrokerCare @nobrokercom everyone, please steer clear of this organization. I paid a finalization fee for a rental flat post which they refused move-in and pocketed the amount. Now refusing to let me speak to customer care or refund the amount. @cpgrams

[Iceland Cricket @icelandcricket]

Dear @ICC,

It is with a heavy heart that we now announce our unavailability to replace Pakistan in the upcoming T20 World Cup. Regardless of whether they now withdraw, the short timescales ensure it is impossible for our squad to prepare in the professional manner necessary to compete effectively in this global cricketing spectacle. We are not like Scotland and able to turn up on a whim, with no kit sponsor.

Our players are from all walks of life and cannot simply drop their occupations to fly halfway around the world to experience temperatures only normally felt in Finnish saunas. Our captain, a professional baker, needs to attend to his oven, our ship captain needs to steer his vessel, and our bankers need to go bankrupt (again). This is the harsh reality of cricket at the amateur level of the game.

This news will be extremely disappointing to our fans. Despite being the most peaceful nation on Earth, we maintain an army of online followers, and are the world's 14th most followed national board on X. We were ready to give the Dutch the biggest shock they have experienced since William of Orange lost the Battle of Landen in 1693. And the Americans were looking forward to taking on Greenland, or so their orange-dyed leader thought.

Our loss is likely Uganda's gain. We wish them well. Their kits cannot be missed unless you have epilepsy, in which case they are probably best avoided.

The future is always ice, until it isn't.

Yours sincerely,

Icelandic Cricket Association

[Gems @gemsofbabus_]

> Sambit Patra.
> Member of Parliament from Puri.
> Served as National Spokesperson of BJP.

Now, look at work done in his constituency:
>Out of 233 works marked as completed, 232 are just street lights.
>Out of 590 works recommended, 523 are again street lights.

Is MPLADS only about installing lights now?

Where are the schools, roads, water projects, or health facilities?

[EPL - Analytics @DataAnalyticEPL]

👉Mr. Ruben Amorim was clearly set out to re-establish what many of us recognise as “United DNA”.

👉If you are not really atleast 30 years of old, If you didn’t grow up watching United either in the late 90s or in the 2000s, it can be hard to fully visualise what that DNA actually looks like.

👉It wasn’t control for the sake of control. It was CHAOS. 🔥

[Football on TNT Sports @footballontnt]

A list of managers who have won away at Anfield and the Etihad in the last five Premier League seasons:

- Ruben Amorim

End of list.

[EPL - Analytics @DataAnalyticEPL]

🚨This happened Under Ruben Amorim.

[Out of Context Football Manager @nocontextfm1]

I’m not Ruben Amorim’s biggest fan, but if my Director of Football on FM started lecturing me on tactics I’d terminate his contract immediately

[Rising Stars XI @RisingStarXI]

➜ 3 points behind a team who spent €500M in the summer

➜ Fighting for 🇪🇺 places

➜ Team with most shots on target in the PL

➜ 2 draws after missing 8 starting players

➜ He was told there would be NO signings in January

The way they treated Ruben Amorim was 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐄 🔴🤦‍♂️

[Swayam Deep Dash @dash_swayam]

@ManUtd Useless club sacking a manager when he was doing so well under the circumstances. Stupidest decision in my 20 years as a supporter

[Aaron @FeedTheSpud]

Is that not the same bloke just with a different haircut?

Same tattoos and everything??

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Hater Central @TheHateCentral]

🚨 𝗝𝗨𝗦𝗧 𝗜𝗡: Florian Wirtz has a minor issue (skillset) and will start on the bench vs Inter @JamesWathland

[Scotland National Team @ScotlandNT]

🖼️ Hang it in the Lou... maybe not.

#SCODEN

[𝕲𝖆𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖍 * @ggganeshh]

"If roads are bad, accidents will be fewer. If roads are good accidents will increase" - BJP MP Konda Visheshwar Reddy

Only BJP can recruit such Einsteins. Gooseberry bumps

[Ryan, Carrick's MUFC 🇾🇪 @CarrickWay_]

Hey @Carra23 and @GNev2, when are you scheduling an interview with Arne Slot questioning about his tactics after spending £450m in the summer.

Or does it only apply to Manchester United managers ?