Das

[Das @daswop]

My supervisor told me today that he could have another person ready to take my job an hour after I left if need be, I was only inquiring about a raise I was supposed to get anyway, this was also during my break surrounded by other coworkers. So I said "start the timer" And I left

[Das @daswop]

There is no physical evidence to say that today is Wednesday, we all just have to trust that someone has kept count since the first one ever.

[Das @daswop]

When people brokenly speak a second language they sound less intelligent but are actually more knowledgeable than most for being able to speak a second language at all.

[Das @daswop]

Talent shows like Britain's got talent become much more disturbing when you realise that it's just 4 rich people dangling money in front of poor people and telling them to dance for their entertainment.

[Das @daswop]

Smoking kills you, but the actual "act" of smoking is a very healthy practice - leave a stressful environment, go outside for five minutes and take deep breaths.

[Das @daswop]

The biggest form of peer pressure as a kid wasn't dr*gs, alcohol, or cigarettes. It came during exams when it was completely silent and you heard everyone turn to page 2 while you were still on the first question.

[Das @daswop]

Humans cannot even live in harmony with their own species and somehow still convince themselves that meeting an extra-terrestrial species would go smoothly

[Das @daswop]

Since there are 3600 seconds in an hour, and most people make less than $36.00/hr, their time is worth less than a penny per second. It's literally worth your time to pick up a penny from the ground.

[Das @daswop]

If elevators hadn't been invented, all the CEOs and important people would have their offices on the first floor as a sign of status.

And the entry level employees would be up on the 80th floor.

[Das @daswop]

When you're a kid, you don't realize you're also watching your mom and dad grow up.

[Das @daswop]

We laugh at dogs getting excited when they hear a bark on TV, but if TV was a nonstop stream of unintelligible noises and then someone suddenly spoke to you in your language, you'd be pretty f*cking startled too.

[Das @daswop]

We laugh at dogs getting excited when they hear a bark on TV, but if TV was a nonstop stream of unintelligible noises and then someone suddenly spoke to you in your language, you'd be pretty fucking startled too.

[Das @daswop]

Whoever created the tradition of not seeing the bride in the wedding dress beforehand saved countless husbands everywhere from hours of dress shopping and will forever be a hero to all men.

[Das @daswop]

Not gonna lie, when I was younger I always thought adults were being dramatic when they said "If it's not one thing it's another" but now as an adult I can confirm without hesitation that if it's not one thing it's another.

[Das @daswop]

This guy makes a good point:

why aren't the robots working in the mines and oil fields and handling toxic chemicals or picking plastic out of the ocean? why are they writing emails and making powerpoint presentations? what the h*ll are we doing

[Das @daswop]

20 years ago, normal people avoided technology and techies would jump on the newest gadgets as soon as they could

now, normal people buy smart toasters & coffee mugs while every techie I know is on the verge of retreating to the forest

[Das @daswop]

My neighbors are talking sh*t about me while I'm outside smoking. Saying I'm a bad mom and they only hear me yelling at Phoebe and they have never seen me take my "daughter" out of the house. Phoebe is my cat.

[Das @daswop]

My child's math problem says that Lisa bought 5 loaves of bread that cost $0.25 each and 6 lbs of beef that cost $1.25 per pound and the only information I need is where does Lisa do her grocery shopping.

[Das @daswop]

did everyone know the 'i saw mommy kissing santa claus' song is about the kid's dad just being dressed as santa cuz i always thought it was about the mom... cheating w santa... and i thought that was kinda f*cked up

[Das @daswop]

I heard of a guy who was fired from a company and had a grudge

So he wrote fake Glassdoor reviews that were unrealistically POSITIVE

Overly high salaries, absurd benefits, fancy perks

They had trouble hiring for YEARS because candidates thought they were being lowballed!