emily

I'm funny

[emily @dats_WRIGHT]

Me trying to eat healthy: makes Mac and cheese with almond milk

[Bernie Sanders @BernieSanders]

When I started talking about Oligarchy, many people didn't understand what I meant.

Well, that's changed.

When the 3 wealthiest men in America sit behind Trump at his inauguration, everyone understands that the billionaire class now controls our government.

We must fight back.

[mariana @pastapilled]

it seems like nobody wants to run through an airport and ask a woman to stay anymore

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Dads love saying, “I can see 3 eggs from where I’m standing that you haven’t found yet.”

[Carrie Wittmer 👻 @carriesnotscary]

can’t believe captain sandy made her put out the slide

[John Foley @2008Philz]

HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD ON...HER SISTER WAS A WITCH RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS, THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST BRO. YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG? SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE

[rad thing (bunny hop) @Rad323]

YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG? SHE WORE A CROWN AND CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, DOUG. GROW UP, BRO.

[trash jones @jzux]

i'm taking a break from dating right now to focus on being scared i'll never meet someone

[CONSEQUENCE @consequence]

Nature is healing.

[Billy Recce @BillyRecce]

Not enough singers doing Snow Miser/Heat Miser on their Christmas albums and it’s really offensive to me

[connor Wood @fibulaa]

It sucks when you see a picture of yourself

[superb, short for superbitch @paytxhn]

something so embarrassing about stepping out in january with fresh shoes. oooh did u get those for xmas??? did santa bring u those???? mortifying

[Nicole Byer aka peppa pig slut @nicolebyer]

I miss quarantine twas a simpler time where I was single because of the global pandemic and not my personality

[cassidy timbrooks @cassidytimb]

not a joke if Victoria F wanted my man I’d simply give him to her. I know a lost cause when I see one #BachelorInParadise

[SNY @SNYtv]

Sound 'em. 🎺🎺🎺

(ft. @TimmyTrumpet)

[trash jones @jzux]

(chef rear ending you with his car) BEHIND

[kelbin @pissboymcgee]

i am completely obsessed with this man from love on the spectrum