David Murphy

I'm a bearded lumber jack looking idiot that is mistaken for a young Brian Blessed. GORDONS ALIVE.

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

@virginmedia how the fuck do I email a complaint about your awful service. Nothing of your shit works

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

@VodafoneUKhelp I was told my contract wouldn't start until I got my phone but you have charged me a full month when I didn't have a phone

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

@VodafoneUK how can you take money from me when I didnt have my phone. Oh and your call centre staff are a joke.

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

#StarWarsSongs wookie wonderland.

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

@Castle_ABC what kind of Geordie accent was that. Frankly I'm offended.

[Only Fools Reactions @OFAHReactions]

When your tight mate gets a round in.....

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

I fucking hate decorating but progress is coming along. #shitatdiy

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

@FunkyPammy superb. Hopefully that'll keep your head upright and tight. 👍🏻

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

@FunkyPammy are you sure? You may need to do some neck strengthening.

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

How heavy is your hair dude? https://t.co/eQeYHS2RAD

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

“@UberFacts: Studies show that multi-racial people tend to identify more with the minority part of their identity.” No shit Sherlock

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

@QuornFoods marketing suggestion. Calling your sausage, bacon and chicken style products. #Quasages #Quacon and #Quicken. Quacon sandwich mm

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

When The ball get down a car... via @9gag http://t.co/l18Pk0dKzZ

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

What do I have to do to get a @fatsalsdeli in England. You glorious fucks are to far away.

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

@BTCare which I don't actually mind but to cancel the package immediately is ridiculous. Technically I'm getting nothing for those 30 days.

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

@BTCare how come when I cancel something like HD I have to pay a full month but you cancel it straight away. Seems like that's a huge con.

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

“@daniellebrown41: 🙈😜😂👋✌️ #haters #funny #laughing #quotes #boshed https://t.co/nPoMBn1NWb” you couldn't shake those off. Haha

[Andy Murray @andy_murray]

To celebrate reaching 3m followers (thank you), I'm giving away 1 personalised signed racket. All you have to do is RT this! #treatyourself

[David Murphy @daveeedmurphy]

@WWEDanielBryan:Everyone talks about @WWERomanReigns being strong but tonight I break him mentally. Believe THAT.Think theyre talking oscars

[Ryan Reynolds @VancityReynolds]

People keep thanking me for getting Deadpool made. I didn't get it made. YOU did. The internet put Fox in a hammerlock death-grip. #sayuncle