dave stone

stand-up comedian, full special PACK A LUNCH up now at co-host of THE STONEBERGS podcast

[dave stone @davestonecomedy]

hey, here’s some content

https://t.co/GL6TTg2Afk

[😱 Scary Larry 😱 🇺🇦✊🏻🇺🇸🗽 @aintscarylarry]

When trump says “most people don’t know” something, that means he just learned it. For example, after 80 years of living his wretched, worthless life he just learned that “dumb” has a “b” at the end. Because he’s dumb. With a B! And the B stands for bitch.

[Degen CPA @DrewVento]

I’ll admit, when I was a kid in the 90s I definitely thought that Kid Rock would have less direct involvement with military operations

[Miles Taylor @MilesTaylorUSA]

They’re charging James Comey for posting “8647” on his Instagram, saying it’s a threat.

Do you know how stupid this is?

I worked in food service.

When we “86’d” someone, that meant “throw them out.” Not KILL the customer.

[I Smoked A Predilection For Nipples @BlackKnight10k]

I hope they keep trying this and accidentally kill him

[Just Jack @7Veritas4]

The FBI guy is on a paranoid bender and won’t leave his room.

The War guy quotes bible passages from Pulp Fiction.

The Health guy collects raccoon dicks.

It’s an Idiocracy on steroids.

[Amish John @UnkLeek_]

Taking a shit on the plane is insane

[Hassan Mafi ‏ @thatdayin1992]

American politicians rape kids on private islands and then tell everyone "the pope is weak on crime."

[dave stone @davestonecomedy]

sewing a yellow Quikrete patch on my Atlanta city connect jersey cuz ima real one

[Nathan Hubbard @NathanCHubbard]

Whoever just yelled “give me back my son” in a Mel Gibson voice during Rory’s tee shot on 17 should get a green jacket

[deb saslaw @butlikesrsly]

howard dean yelled a little too loud at the 2004 Iowa caucus and was deemed too unhinged to be president just thinking about that for no reason today

[Tim Hannan @TimHannan]

If you’re going to put our pilots in harms way in a war we are fighting because Donald Trump raped kids, the very fucking least you can do is go in and rescue them when they need it. To celebrate that as something Trump did is insane.

[dave stone @davestonecomedy]

@Polymarket lucky

[dave stone @davestonecomedy]

Hey @Johnsonville those voicemails I left suggesting y’all make a Dr. Pepper sausage were a joke, but thanks anyway!

[Battle Beagle @HarmlessYardDog]

I wish there was a secret cabal in Congress that worked on the behalf of Americans.

[Jon Lovett @jonlovett]

In a surprise twist, the Epstein files released the attorney general.

[crunchyrugger @crunchyrugger]

i am beginning to think that the head of the iranian military wasn’t a part time news host 15 months ago.

[NW Country @NWcountrymusic1]

I know there’s a lot going on but we shouldn’t forget that Donald Trump is a fucking pedophile and he started a war to distract from that.

[James🗳 @_fat_ugly_rat_]

It’s honestly shocking that Trump basically never brings up the fact that he was almost assassinated.

[JEFF @jeffisrael25]

let me get this straight

a team will not be playing in the FIFA World Cup because they are currently being bombed by the FIFA Peace Prize winner

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

Half the people on this app melted down when they found out someone can buy a cookie with food stamps