David G. McAuley

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

Pythagoras's full name was Pythagorussel

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Kavanaugh, Thomas Champion Creating Better Future For Next Generation Of Rapists https://t.co/wciGwLTQ6Y

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

SHOCKING! This guy was able to move his arms enough to masturbate on a Southwest flight!??!

[HuffPost @HuffPost]

Antonio Sherrodd McGarity allegedly admitted the public masturbation and told FBI officials he thought the whole incident “was kind of kinky.” https://t.co/7PVrOhnFtc

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

@BrotiGupta Rittenhouse’s judge is on board

[NPR @NPR]

Donald Trump has fallen off the Forbes 400 list of the wealthiest Americans — for the first time in 25 years. He has lost $600 million since the start of the pandemic, the magazine reports.
https://t.co/5qdhCIQhT1

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

If anyone wants to spent 8 minutes bombing as a setup not to a joke but to a five second compliment to me, I’ll make sure you get a shout out for it when you die.

[comedycentral @ComedyCentral]

Norm Macdonald’s appearance at the Roast of Bob Saget was unlike anything ever seen before. Watch this legendary clip with additional footage.

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

@boburnham I loved Inside. Thanks for the laughs, for putting a name to feelings that so many of us have been having that I couldn't articulate.
You are very good at cameras and lights and music and jokes.
I hope you're doing alright. <3

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

@MeganAronson If you don’t want to be charitable about it: screw those jerks. You’ll have the last laugh because you’re bright, resilient, and you have a boss in your corner - plus you’re a little bit famous now. Those guys will be picking up your dog’s poop someday. Hang tight, stay awesome

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

@MeganAronson HEY KANON! Happy birthday strangerfriend. That’s a great shirt. I’m sorry to hear that some kids have been jerks to you; nobody deserves that. If you want to be charitable about it, they may be goin through their own hard times and not know how to have pain without being mean

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

@StevilKinevil no no - their OLD cars

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

@philawsostef Can relate

[Adnan Khan @akhan1437]

Joe Biden’s win feels like when I went from a Level 4 maximum security prison to a lower level facility.

[Julia Segal @juliasegal]

Anyone hoping for a peaceful transition has never had to pull a toddler out of a Chuck E. Cheese.

[Mary Louise Kelly @NPRKelly]

Incredible that this headline is barely registering, lost in the news tonight. https://t.co/N1ne7ln1UJ

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

Arlo: I feel really into exercising right now.
Dad: do you want to go run around the block together?
A: no. Can I just run in place for a few minutes while you get me my ChocoTaco?

We run a tight shipwreck around here, friends

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

All Countries Matter 🇺🇸

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

Can I keep my bar card if I don’t post a Murder Hornets meme?

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

Thirty-nine and feelin��� fine

(unless I’m thirty-nerrified, thirty-naranoid, thirty-nexasperated, or thirty-naustrophobic)

but mostly it’s fine.

[David G. McAuley @daveyeti]

Often mistakenly attributing it to Hemingway, many literary critics agree that the saddest six-word story ever written is "For sale: Baby shoes. Never worn."
Looking up and observing the sky tonight, I drafted a contender:

One Klieg light, shining from Tulare.