david

“you have some nice moments, but mostly mediocre.” -mom

[david @davidburns01]

I time my run to finish at 8pm, so that I can pretend the cheering for essential employees is for me. I’m not a bad person...

[Shoe Goo @MattShoewalter]

RELEASE PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL’S TAX RETURNS

[david @davidburns01]

I have a Substack and keep up with friends on Venmo… is this aging?

[Seattle Weather Blog @KSeattleWeather]

It’s dark and rainy in Seattle.

Order has been restored.

[david @davidburns01]

America is so competitive. Everyone in Seattle is celebrating having the worst air quality in the world. Where’s our trophy?

[david @davidburns01]

The only different between gen z fashion and the Lost Boys is a pair of giant white Reeboks.

[david @davidburns01]

It’s Friday in the architecture office and someone just said “check his nob and lock set,” and I can’t stop giggling.

[david @davidburns01]

@MattShoewalter Also… Tumbleweed….

[david @davidburns01]

Woah. I’ve never been to Applebees. I don’t know what happened.

[david @davidburns01]

@MattShoewalter I haven’t even been to Chilis! I think I was raised on the Ruby Tuesday, Red Lobster, and Max and Erma’s train. They are like the Microsoft of the restaurant world.

[david @davidburns01]

I’ve just realized my Dad’s entire wardrobe is based on Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally… and so is mine actually…

[david @davidburns01]

Honestly, I’m an average designer, photographer, and musician. But when it comes to the clone stamp tool, I’m a golden god. You need something clone stamped, I’m your guy. Want to remove that right wing extremist from your family photo? Give me a call.

[david @davidburns01]

@MattShoewalter With his connections… nah lol

[david @davidburns01]

Day one of summer in Seattle and we’ve got drunk hipsters singing along to Savior by Rise Against in the alley next to our apartment. All is right in the world.

[. @SuiNeltwork]

Mickey isn’t waking up

[david @davidburns01]

Just turned on my old iPhone from college. Apparently, the text I sent the most was “Hey, I’ll give you 20 bucks to cover my lifeguard shift.”

[david @davidburns01]

When people tell me my favorite songs have been over played on TikTok, I’m like… yo I thought that was a breath mint.

[Maya @mayaollie]

@Etrouse @alleannaharris

[Chris Rock’s Cheek @chrisrockscheek]

Yeah this is me…I know you saw this shit.

[david @davidburns01]

Bring your Dad to work day. Could you imagine?

[david @davidburns01]

Someone emailed me photos of a pile of dirt and I was like…