david carter

I am going to help or at least not hinder humanity

[david carter @davidcarter27]

My END OF DAYS meter is kicking out some unusually high readings...up at the raining fish level.

Better bunk off work and get a shandy in true English fashion.

[david carter @davidcarter27]

My holiday has involved putting various criminals to bed and then getting up to make breakfast for the righteous. My dreams of running a quiet Ibizan B and B lie in shatters

[david carter @davidcarter27]

Not going to bed until the last resident has shuffled to bed can be difficult. Let’s see how f I get any credit at breakfast

[david carter @davidcarter27]

These short trousered jeans are also “distressed” but not as much as their wearer. I have learned that I need to carry an emergency sarong at all times.

[david carter @davidcarter27]

I’m on holiday and wearing a cut down Jean trouser. I feel the continual need to explain to people that I have made a terrible fashion error. Should have worn a skirt.

[david carter @davidcarter27]

@thelawyercatrin Mate, I’m living it

[david carter @davidcarter27]

Explaining to my family why I need to take a suitcase filled with shoes and hats is not going well. Beyonce is not a persuasive precedent. #shoesinhandluggage

[david carter @davidcarter27]

@Helenryan1969 The jazz flautist is now in he house.

[david carter @davidcarter27]

Tonight I have Jazz at the 606 club in Fulham. Already fretting about the taxi home. Don’t see Pen going for a Sunday night night bus “adventure”.

[david carter @davidcarter27]

The Isle of Wight is hosting me today for Boy3’s cricket tour. I’m going to be spending the day living up to my reputation at the school for being very shy and reserved. Which I am, by the fucking way

[david carter @davidcarter27]

The case of Watching boy3 step over a blob of ketchup on the floor 3 times before I tidied it up reminded me of the difference between the homeowner and the non rent paying “resident”. “There’s some over there too”, he added helpfully.

[david carter @davidcarter27]

Walking the earth near my office building. The passing of the guard has happened. Streets filled with kids no older than my oldest and me looking like their dad. Better go back to my desk to transact difficult law badly.

[david carter @davidcarter27]

I feel that I reached my peak as a negotiator when I said on the conference call “How you gonna do me like dat?” And people on that call considered their doing.

[david carter @davidcarter27]

@thelawyercatrin You’ve been drinking with me. You know that that would not be the end of it. Anyway I’ve loaded up the bag with homework and hopefully the bag will have read it all before my calls tomorrow.

[david carter @davidcarter27]

The interesting benefit of my swanky new spitalfield office is that I seem to be on the flight path for weekend hen/stag parties. So far three sets have gone by. All in fancy dress. Doesn’t make up for being at work.

[david carter @davidcarter27]

@SimonOwenWillis @TomCassels Tempted but then I will be saying what I really think on a conference call tonight

[david carter @davidcarter27]

I am in my office at work and am reminded of a line that my dear friend @TomCassels gave me just this morning-“you chose this”. Mmmh

[david carter @davidcarter27]

@Helenryan1969 I love you. Let’s see what happens

[david carter @davidcarter27]

I normally do not comment on diet but next man has just taken on two mars bars and two Red Bull’s for brekker. Hope he isn’t a surgeon. As for me, I was dancing with a cocktail bar bouncer 7 hours ago so what do I know about lifestyle choices