David Pavid

Tweet tweet, wit my mudda fucken feet feet!

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

Things that are like crack cocaine to me.
Corn flakes
Rice crispies
Thickly buttered white toast
Crack cocaine

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

Good good good. I’m glad to hear we’ve so calmed down a bit with regards to global warming.
Now we can fully concentrate on micro plastics

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

I took acid and I couldn’t speak French afterwards.

I couldn’t speak French before, but that’s the the point

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

My Latest productivity hack is to only shit while using public transport. No need to use home or work time anymore, and some of the trains even have toilets

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

Whose with me?!
I vote we ban all thorny plants. They are a menace!

And please stop telling me to just watch where I’m walking!

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

Since this morning I’ve dropped 0.5kg
All I had to do was take the snacks out my pockets

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

I once saved a baby from as wild bear. By bear I mean my cat and by baby I mean my breakfast

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

@AMAZlNGNATURE How the fuck did strawberries get in that tree?

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

You’ve read the anarchist’s cookbook and the black book of improvised munitions.
Now read the disgruntled 5 love languages and antisocial needlepoint!

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

What? Go out?
Sorry if much rather just plant turnips in Stardew valley

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

Why so you want to work here?
I think it’s because I like eating and sleeping indoors

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

What a time to be alive!

https://t.co/zDT0y2YjoK

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

Welcome to Okay Britain.
Wait, what?
Yep, something to do with truth in advertising standards or something

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

Be the light that you want to see in the world.
Fuck that I want to be a toad

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

@jakemuir14 @PixelDan you can get it delivered to me, then I could courier it to you

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

Find a Penny and you’ll have luck all day.
Find 2 and they’ll fire you.
Trust me you don’t to know what happens if you find 3

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

@Dwyer1987 @goblintownwtf @McGoblinBurger Try landscape mode in your phone

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

Cats movie synopsis
People dressed as cats dressed as people

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

One more time, how many espresso shots go into the kiddichino?

[David Pavid @davidchedder]

Coming this spring!

My first hit!
Body disposal kit