David Hackman

Software Design & Business Analyst...also videogames, wargames and guitars...

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@SimonMiller316 I'd have liked an Armageddon style 6 man cage match. Drew, Randy, Cody, Jacob Fatu, Sami Zayn and Alistair Black. Takes the multiman match to the extreme and contrasts well with reigns and punk as two very different main events

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

The company hired me to lead their "Agile Transformation."
I don't know what Agile means.
Nobody does.
That's why it works.

I make $425,000 a year.
To move sticky notes.
From left to right.
On a board.
The board is digital now.
The sticky notes cost $80,000 in Jira licenses.
Progress.

Day one, I said "we need to break down silos."
Everyone nodded.
Silos are bad.
I don't know why.
But destroying them is a career.
My career.

I introduced "squads."
Squads are teams.
But disrupted.
We disrupted the teams into teams.
Different names.
Same people.
Same problems.
But Agile problems now.
Agile problems are strategic.

A senior engineer asked what we're actually changing.
I said, "The mindset."
He asked what that means.
I said, "It's a journey."
He asked where we're going.
I said, "Toward agility."
He asked what agility means.
I pointed at the sticky notes.
They were moving left to right.
That's velocity.
We have velocity now.

The VP of Engineering said two-week sprints don't fit their work.
I said, "That's waterfall thinking."
Waterfall is bad.
Like silos.
I don't know what waterfall is.
But I know it's bad.
She stopped talking.
Waterfall accusations end conversations.

We had a retrospective.
In the retro, we discussed what went wrong.
Everything went wrong.
We put it on sticky notes.
Then we moved the sticky notes.
Into a column called "Parking Lot."
The Parking Lot is where problems go to die.
It's full.
We don't look at it.
That's agile.

Velocity is up 40%.
I defined velocity.
I also defined the points.
I also defined the stories.
We're crushing it.
At the things I made up.
To measure.
Ourselves.

The CEO asked for ROI.
I showed a chart.
The chart went up.
Charts should go up.
This one did.
I didn't label the Y-axis.
Nobody asked.
Leadership is confidence.

We do standups now.
Every day.
We stand.
For 45 minutes.
Standing is agile.
Sitting is waterfall.
My legs hurt.
But we're transforming.

The transformation is now "Phase 3."
Phase 1 was assessment.
Phase 2 was implementation.
Phase 3 is "continuous improvement."
Continuous means forever.
Forever means job security.
I'm very secure.

My contract was extended.
Three more years.
For "cultural impact."
The culture is confused.
But impacted.

Agile transformation isn't about being agile.
It's about transforming.
Continuously.
Toward more transformation.
The destination is the journey.
The journey is billable.

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@KPFrancisAuthor @BQQuinn Still really enjoying it, about half way through. It's funny but also occasionally poignant

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@BQQuinn started reading this due to your recommendation on #tesd, great so far. You might like John Scalzi, similar tone and Starter Villain has talking cats too!

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

I'm a Liverpool fan but really hoping Palace can do it today! I just want to hear more football stuff from @rob_pearson86 on Access streams! #palace #eagles

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@PlayStationUK I'm stuck at 35 after about an hour of trying

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@ODEONHelp your app and website won't let me book tickets with my limitless account. Can you help please?

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@EASPORTSFC I can't use ultimate team as my PSN account has been put on a disabled list due to inactivity (a change made by EA, not me) and can't login to your servers. I've raised a case with ea support on Friday but heard nothing. I'm pretty unhappy. I paid for early access.

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@oldemajicks @redshirtcinema Picard season 3 is basically a tng movie...

[TF @TF81]

@foofighters out of love for the original track I re-imagined All my life with synth and drum machine https://t.co/F8htA58C9f

[Couch Nish 🛋️ @CouchNish]

How was this given as a yellow?! 🫠 https://t.co/3AlK7i7we3

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@absoluteradio @RichieFirth Hey Richie! Can you play San Quentin by Nickelback, my nearly two year old twins love rocking out to it!

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@BassTunedToRed have you ever looked at fouls per yellow card? I'd bet rodri is right at the top but maybe I'm biased

[KopAce @KopAce74]

Man City Fan Zone in Istanbul looks more like a church fete 😆🤣�

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@RMcElhenney I know they normally struggle to spell and pronounce your surname but the guardian have rechristened you here!

[Led By Donkeys @ByDonkeys]

Remember what the Brexiters used to say about Dover? (ps if you want to see more of this kind of stuff pls help us reach our target of 3,000 new LBD supporters) >>> https://t.co/xce3lXhPN4

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@jessup_ty @J__Nagelsmann @ChelseaFC Thought you were delighted when you appointed Potter

[David Hackman @davidhackman]

@dinkyprincessa Looks delicious!

[Britain People @Britain_People]

The disgraced Home Secretary @SuellaBraverman

Suella claimed £2,684 on expenses to cover the utility bills on her second home last year.

RETWEET if you think Braverman should be paying for her own utility bills.