David Kilimnick

known as Jerusalem's Comedian and 'Israel's Father of Anglo Comedy' (JPost). David can be seen performing at the Off The Wall Comedy Basement, in Jerusalem.

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Nurses Are Amazing: Showing Appreciation https://t.co/0hvN7vKZ9N

Thoughts From a Waiting (now in the Kibbitzer Magazine)...
We brought them donuts. They appreciated that. Donuts and coffee. That is how you show appreciation in the hospital.
Not baked ziti...

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Israel Without Tourists to End the Pandemic - Humor article on The KIBBITZER https://t.co/RufSxobF5A
...Suddenly, Hebrew is the number one language being spoken in Israel. Even in Jerusalem, people are starting to speak Hebrew.

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Things People Say at a Shiva (my new humor article link)... “We Should Only See Each Other at Simchas”- That’s a beautiful thought. But the food won’t be as good. The community brings some really good food at Shiva... https://t.co/id4ypZOWYy

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Things We Should Pray for This Year ... A Year with Less Disinfectant- We should all merit not to have to disinfect everything in shul before using it. Spraying down a siddur isn't healthy for it... My hands are chapped- a year of hand cream https://t.co/tnHJLkeIhg

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

American and Israeli Protests (my new humor article)
In America the Protest Moves- In America protests seem more like marches with no destination. They start at the center of the city and somehow end up in your neighborhood. They get tired and stop...

https://t.co/7Cy4xRKrLI

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Jewish Summer Camp at Home (my new humor article attached)
Camp is where Jewish identity is formed through singing songs like 'Bang Bang Clap BBang BBang Clap Clap.' Jewish tradition is rooted in free swim, bunk and gaga.
https://t.co/tkQZlVrN2F

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Zoomchas (my new article on how to celebrate and have a Simcha online and have no guests)
How to Celebrate Online:
Don't Spend Money- If you’re spending money and renting out a ballroom, you don’t understand virtual reality well enough.
https://t.co/VthUT8WC0F

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Celebrating Jerusalem Day This Year Socially Distanced... Hora By Yourself- This makes for much less injury during the Hora at the arm raise section. Countless times I have been hit by long armed people at four feet, with happy intention at Bar Mitzvahs... https://t.co/iRSIwzQGzK

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Celebrating Israeli Independence Day at Home... check out the article for ways in which I help you celebrate at home with bopper substitutes, shaving cream and other stuff that is traditionally used to annoy other people...... https://t.co/x9EmGwLlEk

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

How We Survived Passover in Quarantine (my new humor article)
This year, not breaking Matzah with your fellow Jews was the neighborly thing to do. From now on, when I don’t want to spend time with people, I am going to tell them it’s for their health... https://t.co/2E8Z04N3Y6

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Advice for Time at Home With the Family (my new humor article for quarantine life)
Get in your Spring cleaning. Tell the kids they’re cleaning for Passover and it’s a commandment. Tell them that to get rid of Chametz, and that includes raking the leaves... https://t.co/5Ue4H1pHsv

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

How Israel Looks Without Tourists (my new humor article on no tourism in the country because of the coronavirus)
We thought the tourists weren't coming because of attacks on Israel, but BBC and CNN weren't blaming Israelis... https://t.co/SZVN2wY5vy

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Why Israelis Love the New American Peace Plan... We believe that each president should have the right to come up with their own plan for peace. It's American tradition, and we support tradition
https://t.co/BC2VaAaDos

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Your Jewish Calendar for 2020... After you have your day down, of cooking, picking up the kids, going to shul, the three committee meetings, laundry, shopping.... Now you're ready for the preparation for Shabbat and all the holidays and the article https://t.co/WR0V2yVPrg

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

my New Wise Men of Chelm Stories
Generations have passed and the tradition of Chelm remains, with newer, wiser men and women, who have all joined the board.
https://t.co/GUjtLJc4ix

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

We broke all those rules again. The minestrone soup my aunt brought was good... Should've noticed that sign 5 months ago. We were too busy with all the family and guests running in and out of the room to notice that… https://t.co/RZF6jAlFiS

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

People You See in Shul on Yom Kippur (my New Year's humor article)...
The One Who Can’t Figure Out How to Open the Ark Curtain adding an extra two minutes to the services... https://t.co/wGnxevVwnO

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Jewish Year in Review 5779 (my new humor article on 5779, as Rosh Hashana is coming up and we have a lot to do Repentance for)... We voted again in Israel- We'll be doing more of that. We will vote till Bibi gets it right... https://t.co/NkqMDFpgHx

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

I’m Sorry for My Selichot Why Slichot are Hard for Me (my new humor article of repentance and why I can't wake up at 6am to do that, even if it is in preparation of Yom Kippur and I am praying for life)...
https://t.co/5OnsHyasS8

[David Kilimnick @davidkilimnick]

Reasons for Jewish Singles to Get Married (my humor article for Tu BAv):
I am too old and single to not be a scary old guy handing out candy at shul... Don't have to sit at the kids table anymore...
https://t.co/mGMIrNj0bO