David Manky

Your dad likes my jokes

[David Manky @DavidManky]

Go look up the price of a decent weight vest and then try giving me a hard time about gaining 40 lbs. You might not like it but this is what training looks like.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

New study indicates majority of UFO sightings are made by people unable to identify birds.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

A piñata, but instead of a bat it's a cattle prod and instead of a piñata it's just a guy holding candy. Idk just an idea.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

(On-call-ogist)

[David Manky @DavidManky]

What kind of doctor has the most inconsistent schedule?

An oncologist.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

If you're wondering why you haven't seen me at the gym in a while, it has nothing to do with my lack of will power. It's a strictly grammar-related boycott.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

We have a long way to go as a society, but we must get that number to match up more closely with the number of casualshirts.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

Shocked and saddened to hear about the alarming number of casualties at The Bay in downtown Vancouver today. It's a scary world.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

It's 2017 and one of the biggest pop stars in the world is named Ed.

That just seems weird to me.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

@_Jadenlabranche

ex·punge
ikˈspənj/
verb

erase or remove completely (something unwanted or unpleasant).

[David Manky @DavidManky]

My diet plan consists of eating whatever requires washing the fewest dishes.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

Can we all just acknowledge how terrible the word expunge is?
Like, what even is that?

[David Manky @DavidManky]

Best news of the day: that watch I could never figure out how to adjust tells the correct time again.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

@Google haven't yet decided if we're going to be farming raccoons, or if the raccoons will be the farmers. Open to options. Lmk

[David Manky @DavidManky]

Yeah hey @Google can I have a raccoon farm?

[David Manky @DavidManky]

.@TimHortons can I have free coffee for life? Is that something I can ask for? Do I have to become prime minister for that? Lmk

[David Manky @DavidManky]

@sincerelyrhylan I've been putting a solid 2 hours of work in on this every night for 2 years. You'll never see a more flawless poem.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

Man, the first guy to discover the mirror must've been beside himself.

[David Manky @DavidManky]

"Remember those people who barely passed gr. 8? Well, they haven't gotten any smarter, but their opinions are much stronger now." -Facebook

[David Manky @DavidManky]

#RoastYourselfInFiveWords

Declining in quality since 2014.