David Todman

Life is like trying to enter a turnstile museum.

[David Todman @davidtodman]

The Independent with a #WagnerGroup exclusive.

[David Todman @davidtodman]

Intermittent fasting has been sheer hell. So next year I’m going to try intermittent slowing. #NewYear2022

[David Todman @davidtodman]

I guess the last person on Earth will only have themselves to blame.

[David Todman @davidtodman]

My father’s death anxiety was so bad he used to pattern match the seams when wrapping Christmas presents.

[David Todman @davidtodman]

Noticed quite a few new motion design followers recently. But i only talk shop via @meshmashuk So follow me there if you want ridiculous fake pearls of motion wisdom.

[David Todman @davidtodman]

I bet his company hopes James Dyson doesn’t get #COVIDー19. Imagine the power vacuum.

[David Todman @davidtodman]

So great that after years of making billions of dollars and sleeping with porn stars while his beautiful wife took care of the kids, something finally went right for Tiger Woods. #LifeAffirming

[David Todman @davidtodman]

I’m calling my latest fractious family holiday: Pass-Agg to India.
#HappyHolidays

[David Todman @davidtodman]

Fact: the term “journalism” comes from the Ancient Greek “lazy journalism” now practised by over 1 million news outlets. https://t.co/5Io8YGKOfk

[David Todman @davidtodman]

@isilitke I’m guessing shoes.

[David Todman @davidtodman]

Bit short of cash so started a company making AI crypto drones using deep learning block chain technology. Now worth almost $8billion. #capitalismo

[David Todman @davidtodman]

The pecan tart on last night’s @MasterChefUK looked so dry I refer to it as “the atacama dessert”.

(I’m here all week)

#MasterChef

[David Todman @davidtodman]

Why do UK politicians always meet Irish politicians in a tea shop? #hardborder #BrexitShambles

[David Todman @davidtodman]

An elderly secretary, wracked with firearms related tinnitus, simply misheard Madison dictate his love for animals and belief in the people’s right to “keep and arm bears”.

#RepealThe2nd #2ndAmendment #ArmBears

[David Todman @davidtodman]

Amazing news! "The Visible Void" was just selected by ARFF Barcelona // Around International Film Festival via https://t.co/iEKWYjpjpL!

[David Todman @davidtodman]

According to the OECD the correct collective noun is a “fucktet” of dimwits. https://t.co/dwYFLofOwh

[David Todman @davidtodman]

Jesus! That @RichardDawkins really thinks he’s God’s gift to atheism.

[David Todman @davidtodman]

#Bitcoin and #UmaThurman - 2 fine examples of humans’ ability to wonder at original, ingenious, even beautiful things, before deciding to rape the living shit out of them.

[David Todman @davidtodman]

If London was on my analyst’s couch we’d have a serious talk about its crushing death anxiety.

[David Todman @davidtodman]

Crikey now the ads can read my mind! I’ve always said that the only way you’ll get me on a cruise is if it contains @RobertSmith from the 1980s.