D_Towne

Caffeine Machine/Dax Shepard doppelgänger/SAG Actor-Writer/F45 Santa Monica and Venice Head Coach. Tweets are regurgitated from you.

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

@meganecarter Just loving the use of “bits” 🇬🇧 I might defect

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

Them: "Variety is the spice of life"
Me: "have you tried Everything But the Bagel Seasoning?"

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

@TheOnion “I’ve moved to Los Angeles and leaving for the holidays with everyone else would mean I miss out on the peace I’ve been waiting 11 months for.”

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

@mgmstudios Mufasa

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

I just caught myself leaning in to my friends' posts for their #2022wrapped and I'm...I'm clearly not ok.

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

@fringeblog Sharing the treatment garnered a couple “yeah, a series, maybe a novel”s. It’s all an education.

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

@UncleMari "Is that peppermint piss I smell?"

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

I told a friend my old roommate potty-trained his tortoise.
Friend: “…I’m not sure what that’d be like.”
Me: “It took a while”

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

But really @USPS stop holding onto my packages and just chuck them over the fence then finish your FaceTime with your cousin. TY

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

In this day and age, the word "urgent" has no business being applied to mail. My ?: did it ever, really?

A) It's like asking for "fast longhand division"

B) You're gonna leave the "urgent" thing to someone driving 15 mph, THEN WALKING?

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

Anybody else out there who worked in Chicago kitchens find #thebear to be surprisingly comforting?

No? Word.

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

Peleton Spotify ads: lower the resistance. I don’t need you to yell “you didn’t show up to be basic” in between my evening of 2010s Mumford and Adele.

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

@jimmycthatsme Two American tank soldiers find themselves in moral conflict when they encounter a German farmer beyond enemy lines in WW2. #beyondthewestwall
Inspired by true events and examining the humanity which is jeopardized during war.

Beyond The West Wall
https://t.co/S1On3ZxUsz

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

I know they’re not approved by the FDA, but preworkouts should have a label saying “do not combine with headlines”

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

See you in 9 months when L.A. hospitals are flooded with patients—this time giving birth #SuperBowlLVI

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

@FilmIntuition 2018: moved into a building with a vacant lot next door
2019: condo construction begins next door
2020: stuck in my apt, 6 feet from jackhammers at 6:30am
2021: construction prolonged, moved the hell out

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

Update: manifesting works

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

How do I believe in manifesting when I can’t even even manifest the headphones I always lose?

[D_Towne @davidtowne23]

@UncleMari @GhostLifestyle is a Chicago brand!