David Mandelbaum

Advogado. Mestrando em Direito Penal - USP.

[An Israeli mother @IsraMum]

I don't know whether it's really Woody Allen who wrote this.

But it's brilliant.

Woody Allen on Antisemitism Today 1/2

Woody:
“You know, I always thought the greatest advantage of New York was that you could be neurotic and nobody noticed. In other cities, they send you to the doctor if you talk to yourself. In Manhattan, they offer you a column in a magazine for it.

Yesterday I went out to buy salmon. By the way, it’s the only stable Jewish tradition that has survived Babylon, Rome, and my relationships with women.

I was walking through Brooklyn thinking about death. Not because I’m a philosopher. But because I’m already over ninety, although I originally planned to live to seventy at most.

And suddenly—a crowd in front of a synagogue. At first, I thought a famous psychoanalyst was giving a lecture. In New York, people line up for hours to hear why their mother is to blame for everything. Although Jews already know that without needing a lecture.

But no. They were shouting something about ‘intifada.’ And you know what surprised me most? The amount of energy those people have.” Where do they get it from? After climbing two flights of stairs, I'm already starting to write my will. And they're ready for a revolution without even having had a decent cup of coffee.

Some guy was shouting something about "decolonization." My God. When I was young, "colonization" meant Aunt Frieda would occupy our sofa for three months and refuse to leave. Today, suddenly, it's a Zionist conspiracy.

In general, modern antisemitism has become too intellectual. Before, they simply hated us. No beating around the bush. Not anymore.

Today, someone with a scarf, who looks like he's writing poems about his own beard, explains to you, with the help of Heidegger and Nietzsche, why the existence of Jews is a form of aggression and a threat to humanity.

And I was there thinking: before, at least we were beaten up by people without university degrees. Today, the organizers of pogroms have degrees from Columbia University.

Then a girl next to me said, "We're against Zionism, not against Jews." That's like my ex-wife saying, “I have nothing against you. I'm just against everything you say, do, and feel—and especially against sleeping with you.” The meaning is the same.

And then someone yelled, “Zionists are Nazis!” At that moment, I felt like my grandmother would have turned in her grave so fast she could have powered up part of Queens.

My grandmother, by the way, lived with actual Nazis. She hid in a basement in Poland with a man who coughed so loudly the Germans could have found them just by the wheezing.

And now some guy from an elite university, whose biggest trauma in life is a cold Starbucks coffee, is explaining fascism to me.

I really do live in amazing times.

People talk like they've accidentally swallowed a college library. Nobody says, “Sorry, I'm an idiot.” No. Today they say, “I'm deconstructing the dominant narrative.”

Listen, I grew up among Jews. We don't deconstruct narratives. We create narratives.

I got home and turned on the TV—because when you're anxious, TV seems like a great idea. It's like treating alcoholism with a martini on the rocks.

There, Roger Waters was explaining the world again. Rock musicians always scare me when they get old and start talking like paranoids who see conspiracies when they look at a black cat.

Then Kanye West appeared. In my childhood, crazy people at least looked crazy. Messy hair, a coat, pigeons, conversations with trash cans. This guy just puts on a black mask and says he loves Hitler. And that's when I understood: humanity has come a long way—from "never again" to "let's discuss the nuances."

And the politicians? Politicians say, "The situation is complicated."

No.

What's complicated is explaining to a Jewish mother why her forty-year-old son isn't married yet.

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

@donabela_p @SensoCrtico1 Kkkkkkk

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Eu não aguento mais ler textos escritos por IA. "Não é X, é Y com gotas de Z"...

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Até Machado de Assis é citado nas Epstein Files.

#machadodeassis
#EpsteinFiles

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

As ruas estão intransitáveis. Desde o voto do Fux, já tropecei em mais de uma dúzia de penalistas/processualistas.

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Eu amo o Centro de São Paulo.

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Chamar a China para ajudar a regulamentar redes sociais é o mesmo que pedir conselhos matrimoniais ao O. J. Simpson.

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Quando o assunto é prisão, o brasileiro médio é um Bukele.

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Hoje um homem ateou fogo em si mesmo na Estação São Bento. O site da Folha de São Paulo deu a notícia na seção "Cotidiano".

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Talvez isso ocorra no Natal. Mas, de resto, a pessoa quer se sentar, folhear com calma, voltar outro dia, ler mais um pouco... até decidir se vai levar ou não.

Escolher o mobiliário pensando em datas comerciais torna o ambiente da livraria hostil à leitura.

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Manifesto contra a falta de cadeiras em livrarias:

Livrarias não são lojas de ferragens. Não é como se o sujeito entrasse e dissesse: -- "Olá, estou com um problema urgente! Preciso de um 'Dom Casmurro', edição de bolso, até o fim do dia".

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Se Pontes de Miranda tivesse nascido judeu, teria dado um excelente talmudista.

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Deus e o diabo estão na constância.

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

@marielreis Muito bom. Qual livro?

[Ars moriendi + sete artes @arspedendi]

"Nenhum regime sobreviveria a dois meses da verdade."
Louis-Ferdinand Céline

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

Holambra é uma encantadora cidade do interior paulista fundada por imigrantes neerlandeses que alcançaram uma vida digna pela venda de flores para casamentos, velórios e turistas.

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

@henricus_suso @agarraia Bora!

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

@henricus_suso @agarraia Obrigado! Vou experimentar todos.

[David Mandelbaum @davimandelbaum]

@agarraia Mais simples.