Darren Acaster

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

@HaTuppence Dewsbury. The residents deserve to know the full story

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

#dospidersfart

[DaveJMatthews @DaveJMatthews]

Shart Party

[Jaden @jaden]

Schwave

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

@officialjaden So you've finally realised that school has a purpose?

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

I'm now an E-List celebrity in Kim Kardashian: Hollywood. Come join me and become famous too, by playing on Android! http://t.co/gSXXYutNkY

[Dave Neurotic @DaveNeurotic]

Intrusive delusional thoughts, coupled with tactile hallucinations can really spoil your day.
#NeuroticProblems

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

Bit of Dave Neurotic, best way to start the day! http://t.co/uTa5lhGTKP

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

lying in be with my bitch #loanday #2k13 #yolo

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

Strawberry milk in my tea... Good idea, or GREAT idea!?

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

My clothes keep shrinking in the dryer; except they're not mine. When I return them all my friends are going to think they've put on weight.

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

Cops just busted some cracka carrying a firearm outside our house. Shit be cray cray. #movesoldiermove

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

Put my juice in the freezer for a bit. The middle reached a nice, slushy consistency, but now there's a cylinder of ice blocking the mouth.

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

@chrisbrown Beating a girl up and expecting not to be branded a piece of shit?

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

Maybe if I do enough infrequent tweets I'll actually end up with more than 1 follower.

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

@JosieGi @yummyhippomeat Yataaaah!

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

5 sleeping pills later and I'm still up at 7 o' clock. Now I have bum finger for no reason.

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

Too many early mornings; today's a lie-in and I'm wide awake.

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

I can't finish my first drink of the night without spilling some. I just physically can't.

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

I always told myself I'd never go mobile on Twitter. Yet here I am.

[Darren Acaster @dazjustice]

Vending machines hate me. I was rejected by one twice, then the next one I found was out of order. The last one didn't even have lucozade.