wan

this is a vent acc, nothing more.

[wan @dazuchi_]

online diary

[wan @dazuchi_]

I'm tired :(

[wan @dazuchi_]

the people who i thought would be my last enemies eventually became my first.

[wan @dazuchi_]

now that everything went down again, how am i supposed to pick myself up this time?

[wan @dazuchi_]

a friend only for convenience is what i am.

[wan @dazuchi_]

I'm doing the same thing as everyone else. how come I'm still wrong?

[wan @dazuchi_]

do i have to get to the point where I'll have to pretend someone I'm not again just for people to like me?

[wan @dazuchi_]

I'm starting to hate how suicidal I'm getting. I'm starting to hate how I always think about kms. But I really wanna kms already.

[wan @dazuchi_]

I just want to let myself go. Can't I just kms? or disappear, at least? this is getting depressing and I'm not liking it anymore.

[wan @dazuchi_]

I want to stop venting here. I really do. Because that would be a sign that I'm finally doing well. But I am doing well, it's just that my mind hasn't been thinking right lately. Well, it never thought normal once, but still, lately, it's different.

[wan @dazuchi_]

I am alive. But at what cost?
I feel the slightest happiness, then feel numb and empty for the rest of the day.

[wan @dazuchi_]

i want to cry. but no tears are coming out of my eyes.

[wan @dazuchi_]

*they'd see me

[wan @dazuchi_]

I've been acting strong and independently but genuinely, i can't fucking do this anymore.
I genuinely don't know what to do. I want a hug. I long for comfort and cry on someone's arms. I've been acting and clowning myself because I was afraid they'd be me as weak and not okay.

[wan @dazuchi_]

I feel so childish right now. I'm not usually like this. I don't wanna depend on anyone since I always knew how to handle myself. But for some reason, I want to cry on someone's arms.

[wan @dazuchi_]

i want to cry so bad.

[wan @dazuchi_]

for some reason, nothing is pressuring me, but i feel pressured.

[wan @dazuchi_]

But deep down, I really want someone to ask me how am I really doing.
I'm really tired.

[wan @dazuchi_]

idk what it is about, but i feel empty today.
although i had a good time, there's something that i can't describe. i feel neglected and sad. i want a hug and burst into tears. i haven't actually cried fully in a long time, and i feel pressured and wanting comfort.

[wan @dazuchi_]

you might see me here often again haha.

[wan @dazuchi_]

I want to burst in tears.