Dena Book

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[Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman]

Even the mannequins in South Beach have fake tits http://t.co/DWlRtW5thr

[Billy @HillcrestBlonde]

Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is that nobody runs in your family"

[Ashley Montes @DjDikizwak]

So I'm spending the night at my parents house and apparently they both yell in their sleep? They got the "night yells?" #wtf

[Ashley Montes @DjDikizwak]

From cerebral documentaries to Dora the Explorer. Gotta love kids.

[Dena Book @dbook1]

I would like to put the pieces back together.....but I'm worried they don't fit anymore.

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

Miracle Whip should just be classified as a candy.

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one should be that happy.

[Dena Book @dbook1]

Even the devil has to sleep. #threeyearolds=evil

[Dena Book @dbook1]

The bitter taste is cumbersome.

[Dena Book @dbook1]

How you know you're hung over....cigarettes taste like butthole.
Why do I know what butthole tastes like?

[Dena Book @dbook1]

Fall back. Spring forward. Fuck you!

[Dena Book @dbook1]

It's not the flu....I'm just dopesick from the heroin I started doing yesterday.

[Dena Book @dbook1]

Jennifer Grey....I wish you hadn't gotten that nosejob. My life has been all downhill since then.

[Taquito @Jazzzzzmina]

Telling someone "I had a dream about you" is code for: I had a dream we fucked and now I want to.

[Ashley Montes @DjDikizwak]

I don't remember EVERYTHING from last night, but I did find a pog in my jeans pocket, so obviously time travel was involved.

[Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman]

Please don't spoil this for me, Nerds who know, but I'm hoping for a Michonne & Rick hookup wick bad

[Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman]

GREAT IDEA! Buy ur 5 y/o daughter these slutty dolls w unattainable bodies and blowjob lips! http://t.co/Ui30NpgZz2

[Dena Book @dbook1]

I find it difficult to say diarreah without following it up with a "Cha Cha Cha."

[Ashley Montes @DjDikizwak]

@dbook1 : "Scarecrow got a brain. Tin Man got a heart. The Lion got courage. Toto got ordained so he could bless the rains down in Africa."

[Dena Book @dbook1]

I've got the rockin' pneumonia and the boogie woogie blues.