But why

whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.

[But why @deadasswhy]

Wife: *sniffs* ew you smell
Me: huh??? I just showered!
Wife: exactly you smell like soap and not yourself

[But why @deadasswhy]

When drivers signal after they merge #petpeeve

[But why @deadasswhy]

Me: *grabs belly* my love handle
Wife: that’s not a love handle it’s a muffin shelf
Me: it’s a love handle because I’m handling it with love

[But why @deadasswhy]

People who park blocking driveways to entire buildings and only move after being honked at multiple times deserve their own place in hell

[But why @deadasswhy]

Dear inconsiderate drivers that don’t let me merge into a lane I’m coming into…why??? I’m just going to end up passing you to merge because I have no other choice which is worse for you…

[But why @deadasswhy]

Why did a car honk me from behind, pass me going straight as I was turning right, then merge behind me as I passed them???

[But why @deadasswhy]

“Parents detect fake friends. Kids detect fake relatives. Friends detect fake love.”

[But why @deadasswhy]

PSA if I can only see your eyes in my rearview mirror, you better adjust your seat or you prob shouldn’t be driving 🤔

[But why @deadasswhy]

Me: should I be a stripper as my night job
Bae: no. you don’t get enough sleep as is

[But why @deadasswhy]

You know your wife is British when she says thank you to Alexa after a command @ItIsReallyMe98

[But why @deadasswhy]

I love that JetBlue informs me of delays but also when we take off and land … I’m on the plane though 🤔 lol

[But why @deadasswhy]

I love when I’m going through pictures of my wife and I on vacation and I find random ones of me that she took through some bushes like it’s nice to know your spouse is a creep

[But why @deadasswhy]

How many of y’all use the map for the live traffic and cameras, not the actual GPS?

[But why @deadasswhy]

For my friends with keyless entry… has it ever dawned on you that you’ve never used your car keys…🤯

[But why @deadasswhy]

There’s a special place in hell for people who take the wrong lane on purpose to skip people to get back into the same lane they started in

[But why @deadasswhy]

People who don’t walk and just stand on the passing side of the escalator… what the hell is the matter with you

[But why @deadasswhy]

What I don’t miss after the mask mandate was lifted is smelling bad breath 🤢 #canyounot

[But why @deadasswhy]

Me: it’s so funny that the queer season of ultimatum is all women you would think they’re all quick to marry and settle down
Bae: if it was all gay men nobody would be there

[But why @deadasswhy]

PSA to everyone who knocks on the doors of locked bathrooms: now I’m going to take extra long because you’re rude and can’t wait

[But why @deadasswhy]

Parents when you’re young: stop eating you’re too fat
Parents when you’re older: eat more you’re too skinny