elora ♡

chronically silly

[hamsta @goobygirl2]

i think i am just an afterthought

[´ཀ` @bitemylimb]

in my room fantasising about social interactions i will never have

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

@lolbb399 i had them, once. but we're not friends anymore

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

i made some acquaintances after high school but no real friends because i forgot how to and i was so afraid of getting hurt again that it didnt feel worth it

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

the worst part about going through trauma that they dont tell you about is the fact that you will have to rebuild a new personality from scratch. its like having amnesia. did i once find joy in this? if i did, i dont anymore. i can't remember how to be myself.

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

@lolbb399 someone who i can hang out with and dont feel the need to hide who i am

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

i dont play video games anymore and i dont paint and i dont draw and i dont write and i dont sleep and i dont read

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

im so devoid of friends that i went to reddit to look for people in my area. i feel so pathetic. ive become some sort of neet despite having an education and a job

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

i think im going to have too hard of a time to sleep tonight that i dont think i'll even bother. i wanted to smoke but im afraid it will make me paranoid and sad

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

i hated obsession because it was so accurate and it was a great movie and also a painful reminder that as long as appearances are fine no one will come to save you

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

tweeting at 2 am is a pretty pathetic way to cry for help but i literally have no one to talk to so its the only way

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

and ill fade away into existence. i'll be known by everyone as "ex-friend" or "girl who got raped in high school". ill never be a person again. just some fragment of someone else's story without any acknowledgment for mine

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

i wish i could stop blaming myself. i keep thinking its my fault and im bad and unlovable and maybe he's right im just crazy. but then i remember that i was there and i know what happened. does it matter if no one believes me? did it really happen if no one cares?

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

i never even got the chance to tell people my side of the story. there are details of that night that will forever be seared into my brain because of how traumatic they were. yet it was so easy for him to be believed and supported that he was actually the good guy

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

the sick thing about wishing is that no matter how bad you plead and scream and cry and threaten to kill yourself at the universe, it will never come true

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

its strange how ptsd shows up in weird ways. i rarely paint anymore because i lost my creative spark. i wish i could get it back. i wish i could be an artist again. i wish i didnt feel so alone

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

i like looking at the unsent project because even if theyre not all about me i have a unique name so some of them have to be and i can guess which ones but ill never know the truth

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

i probably never wouldve gotten any apologies if i didnt reach out first, and even then, it was only one

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

i know that im spiraling rn and ill probably wake up and delete all these tweets but right now it feels like somewhere to toss my thoughts

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

instead i cried in my room for weeks after i was supposed to graduate and no one came to save me and no one checked in and no one cared that i had lost myself entirely

[elora ♡ @deadlyaccurate]

i went to my little sisters graduation on june 7th. i had to stand in the back because i couldnt stop crying. i wish that i got that. i wish i got to hear the speeches. i wish my name was called on that stage. i wish i had a fighting chance.