Artie Johann

Writer for Family Guy. Stares at sun. Eats most objects.

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

When I die I hope it's via chimpanzee attack because I've always wanted my last words to be "No, Bubbles, no!"

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

https://t.co/G5pL5CQtHB

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

Listen to this if you want to hear where I’ve been or to hear how I was cut from my college baseball team on 9/11/01 https://t.co/RNq5kYe1GM

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

Watch here or listen to wherever you listen to podcasts. https://t.co/uxiYIfOxRp

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

This concludes my tweet for 2024.

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

Finally, edible dildos.

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

⁦⁦I wrote this with ⁦@shawnries. If you click the link we are called stalwarts twice which is a huge compliment in the stalwart community. https://t.co/onnz0LK71N

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

I wrote tonight’s Family Guy but did not write this Mr. Mom thing.

[Family Guy @FamilyGuyonFOX]

mr. mom takes over tonight! 🍼

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

I wrote tonight’s @FamilyGuyonFOX. It’s their 400th episode and I figured I’d tweet this out as one last sad gasp before the rubble covers us completely.

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

@_DoctorMario I see you and hear you.

[Sean O’Connor @seanoconnz]

Every generation of Mets fan gets their playoff game where it proves that God isn’t real. Congratulations to the kids aged 8-14.

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

I wrote tonight’s @FamilyGuyonFOX. If you don’t watch for me, or the show, watch for all the prescription drug commercials that are keeping network television alive.

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

@esreysteve @thesulk Vaya con dios, Googy. (And Frank)

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

It'd be fun if horses and penguins switched dicks for a day.

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

@shawnries Covid induced mania made me do it.

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

Ever hear a garbage truck drive by and for a split second think that the world is ending?

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

I wrote tonight’s @FamilyGuyonFOX. It’s the perfect activity if you’re trying to avoid getting OMICRON, or have OMICRON, or are an OMICRON.

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

I wrote tonight’s @FamilyGuyonFOX and I can’t think of a better way to celebrate Mother’s Day than by watching your uncle’s favorite show.

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

I wrote tonight’s episode of Family Guy. It airs at 9:30 PM on Fox and if you try this with your headphones it’ll work.

[Greta Thunberg @GretaThunberg]

He seems like a very happy old man looking forward to a bright and wonderful future. So nice to see!

[Artie Johann @DearAnyone]

@JonahPlatt I had immediate regret.