Deathbed Regrets

I'm not dying but I have a lot of regrets.

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

What is the Rock cooking? I don’t know, probably chili. We’re all dying slowly. #whatever #regrets

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

Today, those of us born in 1985 or earlier must accept the fact that we are as old as dirt. #BackToTheFuture

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

And why do I still read spoilers for things I know I'm going to watch? I have some real media consumption issues.

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

I like to read the plots of movies on Wikipedia. I’ve read more movies than I’ve seen.

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

If you know a supernatural being who is recruiting, let me know. Especially if their species isn't allergic to leaf mold.

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

I picked up a woman's dropped cat treats at the grocery store. Proclaimed myself a cat justice warrior. At least my husband laughed.

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

Here's a poor life choice you could make:

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

I wasted so much of my life putting together Ikea furniture. #regrets
#allenwrenches #markingtheendofmydays

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

I say “Let’s hang out.” This is followed by weeks of dread that you might take me up on this offer. #regrets

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

A professional Myers Briggs test is essentially a really expensive fortune cookie. #regrets #istp #inbed

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

Nobody wants to see a magic trick at a funeral. #regrets

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

Instant coffee is a waste of your time and my time, friend. #regrets

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

Every phone call I’ve ever made to schedule an appointment ends in chaos and humiliation. #regrets

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

Don’t get the salad. Get the fries. You’re already dying, moment by moment. #regrets #friesforever

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

Don't take your cat to a haunted house. #regrets

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

#WhyIWasOnTheNews Our discussion about which Backstreet Boy is the most talented got a little...heated. #regrets

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

I fell down a rabbit hole on Wikipedia reading about all of Tom Hanks' sons. That was a good half hour of my work day. #regrets

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

The answer is never “Dankey Kang”. #regrets

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

Giving up hot dogs had no net improvement on my life. I mean, other than not having to eat hot dogs anymore. #regrets

[Deathbed Regrets @deathbedding]

Things I Shouldn't Have Googled: Bing. #regrets