goodbye kid

a moment of silence for the person i’ll never be

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

I'm convinced that even if you walk through hell and end up with specks of divinity left on your skin, you also leave a trace of chaos behind your teeth. You’re not completely untainted. You shouldn’t be.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

I’ll keep my heart on my sleeve, no matter the bloodstains, no matter the scars. I’ll choose love - every single time.

So please, let me try again. I promise this time - I’ll get it right.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

things I would like to tell time:

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

I’ll hug my mother more, tell her how beautiful she is, tell her she is not like her mother, tell her that wherever she goes, I will follow.

I’ll make sure to listen to my father, not cut him off when he tries to speak, try to understand him better, try to make him proud.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

one of these days I'll climb out of this dark abyss I've fallen into, and the sunlight will burn my eyes, but they’ll readjust, and I'll see a hand reaching out towards me and hear a soft voice saying, “there you are, I've been looking for you everywhere.”

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

even after everything,
all the nights I’ve forgotten
all the monsters in my room
all the mistakes, the keloid burns, and love that’ll never return
I’d choose my light of a mother
I’d choose my ever-grinning father
I’d choose my omnipotent sister
every
single
time

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

They don’t help me out, they tell me to climb, and keep climbing, until my fingernails turn black. Until I’ve reached the part where I don’t wait for the light anymore, I run towards it

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

Unlike the world around me, my monsters allow me to fail. They watch me as ichor and dirt mix with my tears at the very bottom of the grave I’ve dug myself in.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

I’m not afraid of my monsters anymore. They call me by my name. And I call them by theirs.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

there will be a moment where the world feels like the aftermath of a thunderstorm. instead of rolling thunder, someone is calling your name. the fog doesn’t lift, it comforts. there’s a tickle in the back of your throat where their name should be. you are able to breathe again.

[falling softly @DanglingLines]

one person letting you know you are not alone can make the darkness a little lighter.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

I didn’t earn my place in the stars. I took it because I wanted to. I refuse to ask for permission anymore.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

telling everyone around me to forgive themselves, hoping one day i’ll catch on.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

I wish the universe could take me in their arms, my head nested in the crux of their neck, closing my eyes as they say, “you’re okay now. you’re safe. you don’t have to worry anymore. I’m holding onto you.”

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

most days I wish I could disappear, ricochet off the threshold of what's here and what's not. and maybe in between, I’ll find my heart and put it back where it needs to be.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

as for me, I forget that I'm here most of the time, that I'm someone to be remembered, a physical being, taking up space.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

nevertheless, we are not afraid of the springtime, and yet we always yearn for the winter.

in due time the frostbite will melt, the ground will become soft, and we’ll start again.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

we’ve grown lonely among things, pulling out dreams we thought were weeds, burying our childhood deep in the soil, hoping that the seeds that sprout won't make the same mistakes.

[goodbye kid @deathbypluto]

and because of this, we love things on our own. because it's easier that way. we don't have to justify the beating of our hearts and the irregularity of our heaving chests.