ThingsThatDidntHappen

For those thirsty for likes who just want that love and attention. #peoplearetheworst

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Everyone loves a love story. Just wonderful.

[DS | Wild Bloom 🌿 @DSWildBloom86]

A Millionaire in a tailored suit walks into a restaurant for a business meeting. He spots a stunning waitress carrying drinks around and offering them to everyone there.

No small talk. He walks up to her and offered a million dollars if she married him today.
One million. Marry me. Give me kids. Quit your life forever.
Be 100% honest
Your turn:
What would YOU do if this happened to you tonight?
Take the deal? Walk away? Negotiate? Roast him/her?
No cap. Drop your real answer below. 👇

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

@witnosity @PeterWMurphy1 Why would he take the time to write it though?

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Beautiful story, Caroline. Well done.

[Caroline @WecopsCaroline]

On the train and 4 ‘lads’ sit down…. I let the ‘Bants’ go and then one of them throw a bit of rubbish at some passing women. So I say, ‘fellas let me just manage your expectations… I’m a cop and I won’t stand for that behaviour’ 1/2

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

100% is a big number. Shoutout to law enforcement’s ability to assess this without the use of technology. That’s one hell of a skill set.

[aka @akafaceUS]

BREAKING: Multiple police officers have come forward stating that Kamala is 100% intoxicated in this clip and she would’ve been charged with a DUI if she was behind the wheel of a car.

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Big, big something alright.

[Riley Nelson @rileynelson___]

Just had the best flight to Sydney. The guy sitting next to me was wearing a @GWSGIANTS cap humming big big sound. I started singing along with him & then everyone on the plane joined in! Turns out the flight was full of Victorian Giants fans flying up for the game! #BigBigSound

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

@JNadarstein @MarkDreyfusKCMP Just trying to get people who are undecided to vote Yes on something they read on the internet. They’ve become the very people they hoped to destroy.

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Feed the page, feed the people. #definitelydidnthappen

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Campaign manager really putting in overtime here. Great work. #definitelydidnthappen

[Lavern Spicer 🇺🇸 @lavern_spicer]

I was talking to a friend on the phone and she said she could never vote Republican because they want to take away abortion.”

I said “what’s so horrible about that?”

She said women should have the right to decide what happens to their own bodies.

ME: Did you feel that way when the government FORCED you to wear a mask and get the vaccine?

HER: That was different, that was saving lives.

ME: Not killing unborn babies is saving lives too.

SILENCE.

Then I said: Every time a black woman has an abortion she’s preventing a black child from being born. Is that a good thing?

SILENCE.

Then I said: Democrats want us to stay the minority in this country. That’s why they let drugs and guns come into our neighborhoods. And that’s why they encourage y’all not to reproduce.

She hung up on me.

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Lol, k. Wake up, you’re typing in your sleep again. #definitelydidnthappen

[AksaiBlueNose @aksaibluenose]

@LouStagner That’s why I should be over the moon (with an H/I of 14.4) holing out a gap wedge from 82 yards, getting a pitching wedge to 6” from 102 yards and getting a hole-in-1 from 165 yards with my #5 hybrid (all this week 😀).

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

@DerekDuPont15 The Sandman is known to be quite the storyteller. Looks like he got into his own magic dust there for a second and slipped into fantasy. #definitelydidnthappen

[Sandman/Joe Mangrum @JoeMangrum]

I had the great pleasure to meet Robin Williams in person randomly at ABC carpet in Nyc one day. He was standing in the corner eyeing rugs on the top floor. I asked what was he doing in NY for and shared that I had lived in SF. Made some jokes and said I had come to NY to be an artist and if I could show him some work. He raised his voice and said “Thats Fucking Amazing!” Such a memorable moment just the two of us admiring carpets and sharing art.. and of course there were some amazing impressions and jokes thrown in but I’ll never forget ❤️

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

@aviosAdventurer @EddieHughes4WN Would love to see a few photos or video of this wonderful event, just in case it was true.

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

@DW__01 @M3GANMURRAY Must have been a good one. Already deleted.

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

@jamesatwarren now that’s some kind of conviction right there.

[Steve Kirsch @stkirsch]

I am on board a Delta flight right now. The person sitting next to me in first class refused $100,000 to remove her mask for the entire flight. No joke. This was after I explained they don’t work. She works for a pharma company.

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Someone send help. #definitelydidnthappen

[🫃🏼💉🇺🇦🇮🇷🇨🇺Hollaria Briden, Esq. @HollyBriden]

We found this on our 8 year-old daughter’s door this morning and she still hasn’t come out. She missed school, hasn’t eaten, and says she isn’t going to Pilates tonight. Tucker Carlson is literally ruining her life. #FireTuckerCarlson

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Bet Becca can’t name the professor or the college….#definitelydidnthappen

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Hollarias. #definitelydidnthappen

[🫃🏼💉🇺🇦🇮🇷🇨🇺Hollaria Briden, Esq. @HollyBriden]

Our son Jasper wrote his Santa letter yesterday and it filled us with hope. Even the kids get it. 🥲#ProudMom

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

I’ve always heard it was tough being a middle child. Sounds like the eldest got off easy. Thanks for the submission @BennyW1980

[Ann Lesby, PhD (she/her) @AnnLesbyPhD]

My eldest did not sleep for 6 weeks after Donald Trump was elected and my middle child had night terrors for four years. Should Trump ever return to office, I will keep my children home and away from all devices until his term ends.

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Aw sweetie, I hope this makes you feel better about it.

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Got the Tool part right.

[Fintan O'Toole @fotoole]

When my son was 2, I heard him mumbling to himself as he was going to sleep, 'Mikhail Gorbachev'. It sounded like a promise that the world he would grow up in would be less fearful and more hopeful.

[ThingsThatDidntHappen @defdidnthappen]

Participation medal aside, catfishing yourself is quite the achievement.

[Jake Lucky @JakeSucky]

Normalize parents celebrating their kids gaming achievements 👏

Valorant streamer @itsmerku asked her mom if they could celebrate when she hit plat, and the response was so wholesome