Dad

[Dad @DefinitelySwag]

It's #MyTwitterAnniversary! I have been on Twitter for 5 years (since 15 Apr 2013).
And you? https://t.co/J9ve1OYPvD

[Dad @DefinitelySwag]

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 4 years (since 15 Apr 2013).
And you? https://t.co/J9ve1OYPvD

[TIME @TIME]

Does the sound of noisy eating drive you mad? Here's why https://t.co/GpNziA99zo

[sam @samanthap___]

"If the plural form of goose is geese, why don't we call them geesebumps?" -a girl walking behind me today

[Dad @DefinitelySwag]

This made me question life https://t.co/xLF4suW9Oa

[sam @samanthap___]

"If the plural form of goose is geese, why don't we call them geesebumps?" -a girl walking behind me today

[Liza Cunningham @LizaC_33]

My phone keeps autocorrecting "Alcohol" to "Alcoholic".
Okay, Apple, okay.

[Tom Zalatnai @tomzalatnai]

When you accidentally swipe left on a girl who has a horse

[Lincoln Riley @LincolnRiley]

Bad News: The Big 12 Championship Trophy was broken today.

Good News: We have 9 others.

#BoomerSooner

[Tom Zalatnai @tomzalatnai]

I'm going to bed, and when I wake up, y'all better be doing a better job at not being shitty to each other, k?

[Dad @DefinitelySwag]

Back when twitter didn't give you a preview of pictures. In the good ol days You had to click the link to see them https://t.co/MsO1OT2DPN

[Dad @DefinitelySwag]

Aww cute puppies. Retweet to make someone's day.

[Dad @DefinitelySwag]

I once dated a girl for 2 months because she has a trampoline.

[Tom Zalatnai @tomzalatnai]

The most annoying thing about being Canadian is knowing more about America than I know about Canada. WHAT THE HELL IS A METRIC SYSTEM

[Dad @DefinitelySwag]

The hoes are surprisingly pretty loyal.

[The Last Blockbuster @loneblockbuster]

A couple guys in hard hats just tape measured the front of our store. That can't be good, right?

[Dad @DefinitelySwag]

Taylor swift has been single for like 2 months. has anyone checked on her? she might be dead or something.

[Dad @DefinitelySwag]

The worst thing I have done in 2016 is tell my 2 year old he's gonna grow up and get no bitches.

[Liza Cunningham @LizaC_33]

I've spelled the word "restaurant" correctly exactly 0 times in my life without the help of autocorrect.