Feelzy Bear

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@milamiarose Religion of pieces. 🙏

[Karen Resorcé @hr_unhinged]

The microwave in the breakroom is supposed to be an equalizer.

We all heat up our sad little Tupperware containers and bond over our collective mediocrity.

But yesterday, Sarah brought in homemade sous-vide salmon with asparagus.

The aroma of actual culinary competence filled the entire floor.

Three different people asked her for the recipe.

I was eating a lukewarm Hot Pocket at the time.

I pulled her into a 1:1 and explained that bringing gourmet meals to the office fosters an environment of gastronomic elitism.

She asked if I was seriously writing her up for eating fish.

I told her I am writing her up for failing to read the room.

When one person thrives nutritionally, the rest of the team feels impoverished.

I mandated that all future lunches must be easily replicable by the lowest earner on the team.

Then I asked her for the recipe.

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@BorisWrites Keep
Throwing
Money

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@KatyKray73 Making plans to head to your state and destroy a $134,304 statue…..

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@KatyKray73 Happy Birthday!

[Karen Resorcé @hr_unhinged]

During standup, I saw one engineer holding his laptop with one hand.

Not two.

One.

I paused the meeting mid-update.

I asked if the single-hand hold reflected a half-committed attitude.

He said his other hand was in his pocket.

I said exactly.

He asked if that was against policy.

I explained that pockets are where accountability goes to hide.

I wrote down "asymmetric device engagement" in his performance notes.

Then I made everyone hold their laptops with both hands for the rest of standup.

If we're supporting the roadmap, we physically support the hardware.

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@KatyKray73 Yep and you can buy airbags to fit under your jacket for less than $1000 now for riding on the road and is next on my shopping list.. amazing tech!

[Supercross LIVE! @SupercrossLIVE]

Save of the weekend? 😨

(Via Malcolm Stewart)

#SupercrossLIVE #SMX #Husqvarna

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@missmwhitton_ Sorry for your loss x

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@missmwhitton_ Love to your fam… we’re just starting this journey with my Dad and hope we can find the same happy moments along the way..

[Pearl Jam @PearlJam]

"Hail, Hail" from the Late Show with David Letterman - September 20th, 1996.

Watch the full performance at: https://t.co/mcOJH5C9cz

[Karen Resorcé @hr_unhinged]

I watched an engineer refill her own stapler.

Not with the standard-issue staples we provide.

She pulled a tiny private box from her bag like it was contraband.

I asked where those staples came from.

She said, “From home, yours always jam.”

So now my staples are suddenly not good enough.

I reminded her that we standardized supplies for a reason: alignment.

She said she was just trying to avoid wasted time.

I told her we budget for jam time.

If she bypasses inconvenience, our projections are useless.

I wrote down “DIY efficiency fetish.”

Then I quietly removed her personal staples and replaced them with ours.

She’ll learn to respect the shared struggle.

[Karen Resorcé @hr_unhinged]

A new hire sent a message to the general Slack channel at 8:59 AM.

"Good morning everyone! Ready to crush it!"

It garnered twelve reaction emojis.

I immediately felt sick.

I pulled the metrics.

Thirteen people spent roughly three seconds reading and reacting.

That is thirty-nine seconds of lost productivity.

I called him into my office.

I explained that we don't pay him to be a cheerleader.

We pay him to input data.

He said he was trying to build morale.

I told him morale is a byproduct of hitting KPIs, not empty platitudes.

I updated his file with "instigator of non-revenue generating socialization."

Then I disabled his ability to post in public channels.

Now he can only message me.

And I won't reply.

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@PaigeSpiranac Bruh, the monkey is me...

[Sara Weinshenk @princessshenk]

Billionaires be like “it’s just water and vitamins” but they are just straight snackin on babies

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@KatyKray73 This Fraud always was in the wrong party...

[Karen Resorcé @hr_unhinged]

Top signs of rebellion I spotted this week:

- Employee doodling spirals on a notepad during a meeting.

- Another one blinking too slowly, like Morse code.

- Someone organizing their pens by color instead of alphabetically.

I compiled a spreadsheet of these anomalies.

Shared it in the all-hands Slack channel.

One team member replied, 'Is this for real?'

I responded with a poll: 'Do you support chaos or order?'

Only 60% voted order.

Unacceptable.

I scheduled mandatory pattern recognition training.

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@Stavros6 There's only one off leash dog I'm worried about and it's the one talking absolute shit in this video...

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

@Jason66Thomas Wait, so should I go to work tomorrow or stay home?

[Feelzy Bear @defsnothere]

It's hot as balls out... Lucky I don't go outside 😶