delaney

mediocre at most things, below average speller

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

My discover weekly is about to be so messed up because the only thing I listened to this past weekend was ‘Minions: The Rise of Gru’

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

Every time Biden speaks:

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

In this week’s edition of ‘oh fuck I��m turning into an old person’ I ordered a shrimp dinner from culvers and have been making my way through a box of Raisin Bran

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

I get so embarrassed for people when they spell my name wrong in emails

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

God really said ‘give her a pea sized brain’

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

Humiliation is walking into a bike shop to get a new helmet and hoping you can fit into a kids L because it’s cheaper and proportionally, it would make sense that you can. The sad part? It’s too big. You walk out of the shop, sulking, with a kids small in hand

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

@deedoersch Wait wtf they’re called push-ups

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

@deedoersch Character or a push-pop if they had one

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

Some people call it a threesum, others call it a:

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

Every day I have to resist the urge to eat my lunch at 10:30am

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

Our paths finally cross, my eyes are straight forward as to present myself with a shred of dignity. One of the tweens says ‘I like your shoes’ and I, without missing a beat say ‘thank you’ and walk away, my grin slowly protruding like Squints after he ‘kissed’ Wendy Peffercorn

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

I’m walking on Downer, trying to pretend like my shoulder isn’t about to pop off due to having a 1/2 gallon jug of milk and a sack of flour in my tote, also carrying a six pack of toilet paper and a box of swiffer dusters in my bare hands…

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

There are two tweens walking in the other direction, Starbucks in hand, one is wearing a school uniform. They’re looking at me, I’m quaking in my glossier sweatshirt…I divert my eyes, knowing damn well they’re probably making fun of me…

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

Not one tweet grazed my feed about yesterday’s wordle word. I’ve never been more pleased by humanity. Has the age old complaint about how a word sounds finally come to an end?

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

This has broken me

https://t.co/5r3WGyHyji

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, the greatest remedy for retail therapy is a library card. You get the satisfaction of coming home with stuff without the cost

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

@RachelBaldwin56

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

I can’t wait to graduate and never have to use the Microsoft suite ever again

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

Harry Potter character’s favourite premiere league teams according to @uslabarc :

Harry: @ManUtd
Ron: @OfficialBHAFC
Hermione: @LFC
Malfoy: @LCFC

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

One of the most embarrassing thing about me is that I like cottage cheese

[delaney @DelaneyDoersch]

Dear Santa, this Christmas I would like a hazmat suit. For protection against Omicron, you ask? No. To protect me from the god awful scent that Goodwill drenches everything that passes through their donation doors in