Boyfriend broke up with me again... and he's going to be in my home town next week for 6 days. I'm gonna have a break down every day knowing I can't see him. I need strength and anxiety management for the next 2 weeks at least... its causing me so much distress...
I dont want to worry about how much I weigh.
I don't want to worry about if I'm eating too much.
I don't want to worry about what I look like.
I don't want to hate myself anymore...
So many people in my life tell me "I just don't understand you". They refer to my logic, my reasoning, the way that act, the way that I think. I don't understand me more than anybody else does, but it doesn't make me feel better after hearing it so many times. Its discouraging π
Getting clen*buton tomorrow. Fuck this. I want to get thin. I need to stop this appetite. I need to stop FUCKING EATING ALL THE TIME π I'm flipping 31 years old and I'm uncontrollable eater.....
And today we are acting like the happiest couple in a long distance relationship... this emotional rollercoaster... let's see how long this happiness phase lasts... I say by Saturday evening he is breaking up with me again
I am so fucking depressed I don't know if I am coming or going. I am not enjoying ANYTHING out of life.. or in life. I only enjoy my cocktail of xanax and alcohol πΈ π
I am so u happy with my boyfriend... and I wish I could leave him alone. Every time we break up I am kippy the cunt that always runs back & asks to work things out. I dont know how to let go.... I dont know how to be without him. But yet I don't want to be with a man like him
I'm tired. I want to give up. I've got a dead beat boyfriend who loves me but doesn't want a future with me. Im battling to pay bills because of covid. I am fucking drowning & I've forgotten how to swim π
Since moving off the farm... I forgot how unsafe it feels sitting outside in your yard in the suburbs, South Africa. The farm felt more secure because it was controlled access. Here, anyone can come to your front gate.