Tony Pajamas

professional peasant

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

2020 is the year(assuming I survive) that I take my happiness back

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

Love driving in a snowstorm bc all rules of the road are off

Two lane road?
One lane if you can’t see the dotted line

Red light?
I can’t stop in time for that!

Pedestrian crossing?
Not today buddy

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

@elizasalevs So you’re saying buying breakfast cereal and eating it all day is the best part of adulthood for you? Really Elizabeth??

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

Everyone know adulting is hard, but nothing prepares you for the battle of trying to fold fitted sheets.

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

Drake: I only love my bed and my mama I’m sorry

Mattress dealers: This MF spittin

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

Ah yes the daily exercise of running around the house looking for where my dog has hidden my shoe right as I’m trying to leave

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

So do you automatically get fleas when you visit a flea market or do you have to pay extra for that?

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

Massachusetts drivers can cut you off every once in awhile, as a treat

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

Let’s go together. Let’s grow together

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

Considering sending grilled cheese and tomato soup to Iran bc im pretty sure that combo can fix anything.

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

I don’t always catch a cold but when I do I have a double shift I have to work gahahhaahghaaha. fuck me.

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

I like #farmers I like burritos. This seems like a good tweet

[Chipotle @ChipotleTweets]

Join us in supporting the next generation of farmers. For every RT or tweet using #farmers today, 1/1, we’ll donate $1 to @YoungFarmers, up to $250,000 👩‍🌾

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

New year. same old dunkies order

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

Life, liberty and the pursuit of alcoholism

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

I’m trying to pull up on a pair of uggs for Christmas. I’m a size 11 Incase anyone was wondering

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

Dream in sunsets
Oh give me a break
Tied up in daisy chains
Only myself to blame

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

The abandoned wok inn down forest ave is turning into a dispensary!! They went from slinging pho to flipping dro 😂

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

I saw a man struggle with a big wild dog on a leash,
And I’m both

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

There are only 2 things I can count on in this world. 1 is the sun rising tmrw. the other is spilling a lil bit of ketchup on my pants whenever I eat french fries

[Tony Pajamas @deputy_dab]

Ohio farmers digging themselves a 1 acre pond and then dragging a pontoon party boat out on it is the most hilarious flex I have ever seen