Derek Lalim

Beauty contest 2nd prize winner/$10 recipient.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

"Hold on to 16 as long as you can. Wear your letter jacket and talk about your TD in the state championship again." - John Cougar Mellencamp

[Ike Barinholtz @ikebarinholtz]

FINALLY a President with the courage to cut Meals on Wheels. Thank you @realDonaldTrump for telling moochers like this the free ride is OVER

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

I'll bet my next paycheck that anyone who sings along to "Fuck Her Gently" at a bar/party owns at least 1 article of Fox Racing apparel.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

Pretty weird to think that the 2060 presidential race will probably be between two people named Taylynne and Bryleigh.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

@tomsegura my friend shit his pants while barfing one time. Double Pipe Classic or a league of its own?

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

There you are thinking "hey I'm a pretty smart fella" and then you try to figure out someone's shower for the first time.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

My hope for 2017 is the same as my hope for every year: that people quit naming their babies made up names.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

"I'm the son of a 3rd generation farmer. Been married 10 years to the farmer's daughter." Is he implying he married his sister?

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

Nothing like pouring a cocktail and watching the Vikings.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

If the Vikings don't beat the Packers tomorrow I'll get drunk on Christmas day and spread my conspiracy theories with my family.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

@isaacsvobodny

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

If anyone is wondering how boring adult life is, Adrian Peterson returning tomorrow is the most exciting thing to happen to me in 6 months.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

@GrantTufto hope you stay in Fargo otherwise the local economy may collapse

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

I need an intervention on the count of I can't stop calling strangers 'boss'.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

.@CNN @MSNBC @FoxNews it's gonna be a photo finish on who is going to cause the collapse of America! No matter who wins, you're all losers.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

What is the minimum number of oversized Tweety Bird t shirts you need to own to be a middle aged female country music fan?

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

Hey @RandyMoss remember that time you mooned Lambeau? I'm going to name my first kid Randy because of it.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

Miller Lite is the perfect sponsor for the vikings. You get your hopes up thinking "how bad can it be?" only to remember how awful it is.

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

You ever get kinda bummed when your fat friends lose weight because you can't make fun of them for being fat anymore?

[Derek Lalim @dereklalim]

You did this to yourselves, Democrats.