Daniel

i'm daniel i like my dog

[Daniel @derpydan]

“Focus on what you’re bringing to the table when you show up today”
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here I’m already late and nobody told me this was supposed to be a potluck.

[Daniel @derpydan]

If I’m on a zoom call with you and I’m stirring my “tomato juice” with a celery stick, mind your damn business.

[Daniel @derpydan]

@brf073

[Daniel @derpydan]

A boy can rewatch The Sopranos: The Complete Series, as a treat

[Gary Sinise @GarySinise]

R.I.P Lt Colonel Dick Cole, last surviving Doolittle Raider. An extraordinary man. It was an true honor to know him.

[Daniel @derpydan]

@Andr6wMale I once dreamt that Tom Brady was notorious for refusing to give autographs, but I tricked him by giving him a baseball to sign.

He was bewildered, insulted, and intimidated by this. Defeated, he autographed the baseball.

I remember feeling astonished at how cunning this was.

[Daniel @derpydan]

You: *being you*
Me: *smiles and waves politely*

[Daniel @derpydan]

broke: "You're full of shit, dude."
#woke: "You're full of cookies, doody-head."

[Daniel @derpydan]

"Wow, Thom Yorke is so insightful. I also want a perfect body and a perfect soul."
*eats onion ring at 10AM*

[Daniel @derpydan]

I'll be back in Albuquerque this weekend hmu homies

[Daniel @derpydan]

@LCCanon The magic is still alive. Happy 4 years bay

[Daniel @derpydan]

@mynameisandyjoe sure thing famalam, keep me in the loop. Down to clown etc

[Daniel @derpydan]

@mynameisandyjoe you're welcome to crash on the couch but you gotta like dog hair

[Daniel @derpydan]

"I'm so tough I tell my girlfriend to order me a Bahama Mama and pretend to drink it when the waiter walks by but really I drink it."

[Daniel @derpydan]

"Welcome to the Salty Spittoon, how tough are ya?"

[Daniel @derpydan]

@bf_kvlt this would not fly in the current year

[Onion Politics @OnionPolitics]

Jeb Bush Assures Pipe-Wielding Thugs He’ll Have The Delegates He Promised Them By Next Week https://t.co/OEQugDEndA

[Daniel @derpydan]

I can't wait until they release a Dadbod Ken doll.

[Daniel @derpydan]

Guns don't kill people. Neither does Batman. Ergo guns = Batman.

[Daniel @derpydan]

If I win the lottery tonight I'm going to invest it all in lottery tickets. Let it ride, homie.