kitty mcguire

I dont know, man, I think I'm funny.

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

Anybody else’s boyfriend wash themselves in the shower like they’re a hamster or is mine just kinda.. whimsical?

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

I am the funniest person I know

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

Got home at 4:15 am from work, had a few drinks, heard my dad wake up and turn on the news. Came down and asked if he needed to be disappointed by our govt this early for a reason or if it was for funsies. Brits on the zoom call laughed. He did not. Anyone need a roommate?

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

This man just told me “its crazy you haven’t said anything about my haircut yet”
I said I hadnt seen it popping up between my thighs so why would I notice?
Why do i speak

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

“Good, thats what I wanted to happen” - me reacting to things that happened exactly how I didnt want them to

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

Dude dont read me out like that ☠️

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

My friend just ended things with the guy shes been seeing because “the way he was hitting backshots last night and didnt bother to tell me i had a pimple on my back? He clearly doesnt care about me”
Respect your peace girl 🤘

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

No one human should have to be made to constantly hear my stream of consciousness. Many should. Im back and fully on my bullshit baby 🤘😘

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

At the least move your busted up, uninsured, shitty little hoopdee out of my parking space.

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

Love the fact that this entitled, lazy cunt is making me walk a block and a half to get to the house after work at four am when they dont even pay rent. You absolute waste of space and time. Please fucking leave already.

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

In fact if i DID have that opportunity and just threw it away like that i DEFINITELY wouldnt have the audacity to then cry victim and wonder why i can never “catch a break”
Accountability is soooo important, kids.

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

If i had the chance at five months of free housing in a safe place I wouldnt squander it by spending every day drinking, smoking, and binging old reality tv shows half naked on the couch from sun up to sun down. But thats just me. Not sure why anyone would waste that opportunity

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

Fuck around and find out what karma really means. You work harder at being a cunt than you would if you actually got a job. Its not your mental illness that stops you, its your laziness and entitlement.

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

My hidden talent is being able to look at a room full of 100 + people and within seconds be able to tell you who is a cunt

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

I got my boyfriend legos for Christmas. He seems to enjoy them @LEGO_Group

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

I love when my boyfriend cant remember the word for a certain thing so he just sort of mushes similar things together to describe it - example: long neck frog = turtle

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

Im done

[kitty mcguire @devan_noel]

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