Devon Avery

mother of 5, sp ed teacher, love rare steak, freckles and blue eyes, loud music, ghost shows, playing piano, art, and the smell and taste of oranges...

[Asher Avery @asheravery2]

After some consideration and conversations with my family and God. I am excited to announce that i will be continuing my academic and athletic career @EMAPFootball! @HartCountyFball @griffinchad22 @CoachDGriffin @CoachMarcusHCHS @CoachKat5 @Coachschomaker @jjwakka @CoachTenenoff

[Devon Avery @devarone]

After waiting over a month and 4 reschedules, installer just left my house. I’m trying to figure out how this works. I’ve got 4 kids and piles of dishes. Am I doing it wrong?? Couldn’t be happier with you right now🤨🙄@Lowes

[Devon Avery @devarone]

If you’re a person who makes fun publicly of special needs people, AND you’ve done it on a repeated basis, AND you voluntarily choose to have a mullet in the year 2020...you’re going to realize quickly that the real world won’t think you’re half as cool as you think you are. Sad.

[Devon Avery @devarone]

They make candles that smell like different states and grandma’s kitchen. New scent idea for people who miss teenagers: Feet&Farts. Because that’s what their rooms smell like. For the love of god kids, turn the fans on and open your doors, get some air flow going😷shew wee.

[Devon Avery @devarone]

Two men just rode past my house in the middle of town on the same ATV, hootin and hollerin with beers in their hands. The fact my first thought was “They’re not 6 ft apart” and not “Wow all of that is very illegal” is a real sign of the times

[Devon Avery @devarone]

I can confidently say my child seems to be no better at fractions with unlike denominators at slide 10 of 42 google slides as she was when she started. Literally she has about 252 problems to complete. My weekend has been compromised. We are in our third hour. God save us.

[Devon Avery @devarone]

Right now, outside, I have Christmas lights up but also a skeleton hand, a dead mum, a snowman, a Christmas wreath, and a pumpkin on the porch. I’m just living my best life celebrating HallowThanksMas I guess.

[Devon Avery @devarone]

When I grow up I want to be my 12 year old. At tonight’s game she turned to some grown women who were heckling her and said “You’re 40 yelling at a 12 year old. Really?!” Disclaimer: she also called them dip shits. We’re working on that part.🤷🏻‍♀️

[Devon Avery @devarone]

@momgela49 I need to hear all about this!

[Devon Avery @devarone]

Planes have windshield wipers. I know this because the flight attendant and captains let me look at them while I was getting off the plane. Next up I have many questions about luggage, the wing flaps, and the toilet. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being curious.

[Devon Avery @devarone]

Part 2- it was a hotel worker who didn’t realize we had already checked in, bringing bottled water to the room. He screamed when he saw me and I’m not sure who was more afraid- me of the “intruder” or him of the surprise guest with bed head and fake karate hands, Happy Halloween

[Devon Avery @devarone]

Part 1- In a sleep after being up for about 30 hours, a knock at the hotel door woke me. I stayed still, like you do when you’re 5 and practicing to evade kidnappers, and when I heard the door unlock and open, I jumped up with my best karate hands to face the intruder

[Devon Avery @devarone]

My precious flip flop broke on the way to parent teacher conferences. I used my lighter to cobble it together and I’m not sure if this makes me poor or a genius, but I’m thinking the two go hand in hand.

[Devon Avery @devarone]

I fell asleep in the sun on the beach this afternoon and that nap was second only to when I fell asleep on my balcony next to the beach this morning an hour after waking. I’m not even mad about napping through vacation, it’s beautiful.

[Devon Avery @devarone]

Customer: “This menu looks good, but I don’t see you on it” (skeezy smile, winking)
Me, tired of people using the fact I’m serving them and being paid to be polite to them as an excuse to harass me: “No, sir, we aren’t serving angry bitch today.”

[Devon Avery @devarone]

How to fake having it together: buy a $3 dress from goodwill. This is now your “town dress.” Wake up, throw dress on, go run errands. The world will never know you still have on plaid PJ shorts underneath. They think you’re a cute fancy adult who has it together.

[Devon Avery @devarone]

Child 4 just corrected the grammar of the dollar store employee under her breath. I said “Allie!” And she said, “Just because you work at the dollar store doesn’t mean you don’t need correct grammar. Ugh.”

[Devon Avery @devarone]

Today my doctor let me look inside my own ears with this camera and a phone and explained all of it to me, so for Christmas I have decided I would like a body orifice camera and a line of willing subjects so I can look at all of your eardrums.

[Devon Avery @devarone]

@savery5855