Devin Mitchell

[Charlie Kirk @charliekirk11]

It’s all about Jesus.

[Devin Mitchell @devinmitchell05]

@KimbleDevening @Ragan_Beard 💀💀💀

[LSU Baseball @LSUbaseball]

ICYMI: The nation’s leader in batting average (@Todd_Peterson3) hasn’t had an at-bat since eighth grade, but don’t worry, he’s hit dingers in BP. #GeauxTigers🐯

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

5-year-old: Can I send Santa a letter?

Me: It's not Christmas.

5: He won't have many letters right now.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: Are you dressed for school?

5-year-old: No.

Me: Why not?

5: That's how they get you.

[Ragan Thorne @Ragan_Thorne]

Hey so I’m starting a circus. If you’re weird and wanna feel accepted and have a family, just contact me. I’ll be your great showwoman. All welcome.

[Devin Mitchell @devinmitchell05]

@ainslee_elle this poor guy 🤢

[Cloyd Rivers @CloydRivers]

If finals were a drink, they'd be unsweet tea. Merica.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: Time to wake up.

5-year-old: Is it Christmas?!

Me: No.

5: *goes back to bed*

[Aaron Chewning @AaronChewning]

Uber driver (in a Grand Cherokee): someone's broken into my car twice this month
Me: more like Law and Order SUV
Uber driver: it's SVU
Me: oh I know I was just making a car joke
Uber driver: I watch the show it's SVU
Me: ok

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: What are you doing?

7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.

Me: There aren't any presents under the tree.

7: I know.

Passive aggressive level 9000.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: *gets burned by bacon grease* Ow!

7-year-old: Love hurts.

[Devin Mitchell @devinmitchell05]

@RitcheyRobby https://t.co/z29gXIW3JR

[Louisiana Humor @cajunhumor]

Southern by the grace of God, blessed to be living in Louisiana.

[Bob Goff @bobgoff]

We shouldn’t be surprised
when we don’t understand
what a God
who says he surpasses all understanding
is doing.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

5-year-old: ...33, 34, 36, 37...

Me: You skipped 35.

5: I got rid of 35.

Update your math books accordingly.

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

4-year-old: I wish I was a dog.

Me: They can't ride bikes or draw pictures or drive cars

4: They don't wear pants.

Me: I wish I was a dog

[Ben Phillips @benphillips76]

The best news story today is this little girl called Anu showing her friends her new foot. Watch.