David Grubstick

Writer of Devious Maids. Previously Ugly Betty, George Lopez, et al.

[Kamala Harris @KamalaHarris]

We did it, @JoeBiden.

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

Let me be clear: A Biden-Harris Administration won't increase taxes by a dime on anyone making less than $400,000 a year.

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

I’m happy to report that Jill and I have tested negative for COVID. Thank you to everyone for your messages of concern. I hope this serves as a reminder: wear a mask, keep social distance, and wash your hands.

[Elizabeth Warren @ewarren]

This is about more than one man's personal tax scams. Donald Trump is a liar, a cheater, and a crooked businessman, yes. But he's also taking advantage of a broken, corrupt, and unequal system that’s built for people like him to do what he did.

[The New York Times @nytimes]

Exclusive: The Times has obtained tax-return data for President Trump extending over more than two decades.
It shows his finances under stress, beset by losses that he aggressively employs to avoid paying taxes and hundreds of millions in debt coming due. https://t.co/gstfYLEe5V

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

I’m Joe Biden and I approve this message.

[Scientific American @sciam]

Scientific American has never endorsed a presidential candidate in our 175-year history—until now.

The 2020 election is literally a matter of life and death. We urge you to vote for health, science and Joe Biden for President.
https://t.co/8TlH7shjFn

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

You deserve a president who tells you the truth.

[Drew Tuma @DrewTumaABC7]

The Golden Gate Bridge.
Almost 9 in the morning.
It’s pitch black outside.
Unreal.

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

We need to restore honor and decency to the White House.

[Kamala Harris @KamalaHarris]

.@JoeBiden can unify the American people because he's spent his life fighting for us. And as president, he'll build an America that lives up to our ideals.

I'm honored to join him as our party's nominee for Vice President, and do what it takes to make him our Commander-in-Chief.

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

I have the great honor to announce that I’ve picked @KamalaHarris — a fearless fighter for the little guy, and one of the country’s finest public servants — as my running mate.

[Darth Vader @DarthVader]

The ramp I descended upon arriving at the Death Star was very long & steep, had no handrail and, most importantly, was very slippery. The last thing I was going to do is “fall” for the FRN (Fake Rebel News) to have fun with. Final ten feet I ran down to level ground. Momentum!

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Congressional Bouncer Escorts Belligerent Brett Kavanaugh From Senate Judiciary Hearing

[David Grubstick @dgrubstick]

I’m convinced my only victories in Fortnite are when parents are playing for the first time to see if the game is too violent for their children. @FortniteGame

[David Grubstick @dgrubstick]

My favorite new show is Nailed It on Netflix. Here’s my attempt at recreating a selfie cookie... a little gooey, a little crazy-eyed, but a lot tasty. Just like me 😜. I definitely Nailed It! #NailedItNetflix #BakeYourSelfie @NailedIt

[David Grubstick @dgrubstick]

Diet going great until I bought two boxes of Thin Mint cookies oh well there’s always 2019.

[Funny Or Die @funnyordie]

This is the future liberals want

[David Grubstick @dgrubstick]

Today's POTUS press conference was looney tunes bonkers. Every day is a new, unfathomable low.