Daniel

I'm not as funny as I look. Amateur chef

[🇺🇸 Pecan 🇺🇸 @PecanC8]

And then I saw the bun. 😂

Well played, QT! 👏👏

[greg @greg16676935420]

How do I know if I have regular Taco Bell diarrhea or parasite Taco Bell diarrhea

[Fuckin’ Princess @8WithaTiara]

Paper towel commercials are so fake. It's always literally a kid spilling juice, never a cat throwing up 😩

[Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom]

One day you are young and fun and then suddenly you’re jealous of the dumpster your neighbor rented.

[Kristen @Kica333]

My version of self care is just avoiding everyone.

[Darla @ddsmidt]

I am not a great cook, but if you need someone to stir the pot, I am your girl.

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999

[Kristen @Kica333]

I should have invested in some stocks when I was 5 instead of going to kindergarten.

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

I'm launching a website called OlderFans where I post today's injury and the wildly normal thing that caused it

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

I love how delusional some clothing descriptions are. You read the tag and it’s like, “Hand wash only. Tumble dry on low.” Son, you’re a cotton T shirt. You’re going in the washing machine, and whatever happens in there is in God’s hands.

[Softboy @softboywin]

how is traffic even a thing ??? like just drive bro

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

I've never found a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.

[Amelia @amelia_tweetz]

I was told today by a 17-year-old that there was no way people were writing 10 page papers without Al.

Dude, I was writing 10 page papers without having read the book.

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

Not emotionally prepared to log back onto the darkest corners of the internet tomorrow (Teams, Outlook, and Excel).

[𝗠𝘂𝗵𝗲𝗲 ♛ @muheediva01]

capri sun packages were designed to teach kids how to do emergency tracheotomies.

[julia @juumelo_]

boy I sure hope nothing pisses me off today! I say as I clock in to the pissing me off factory

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

I knocked over a plant in the kitchen but my cat saw me so I had to spray myself with water so I could show the law applies to everyone

[femiiiiii. @femiiiszn]

books are amazing because a stranger from 200 years ago can still ruin your afternoon emotionally.

[cow @cowincrisis]

saw you drive past the field and not wave at us. i’ll remember this.