David Holdford

Libra, long walks on the beach, allergic to bees, bla bla bla. . . .

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@mrscapocaccia Gadzooks

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@SubwayListens why did you discontinue spicy brown mustard in your stores? Mustard is the fourth most popular sandwich topping.

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@wonderofscience I possess a similar skill set.

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@mrscapocaccia "I mean, you wouldn't demonize her if she had diabetes would you?"

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

FOURTEEN WHOLE PAGES? Lookit Tolstoy ovah heah

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@MsWhol1gan @pattonoswalt @MeredthSalenger You must have a really great personality.

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@Sethrogen This one is my favorite one so far Seth

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@raquelmiranda89 @LindseyDoesThis Only the penises need this.

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@raquelmiranda89 @space_baby_ I only put on pants when monica makes me do so. When I am at my desk I am in pajamas. This has been my story for nearly a year.

[Mac @GoodPoliticGuy]

Democrats be like: We got you a PS5!

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@FallonTonight Winnie Cooper aka Danica McKellar

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@raquelmiranda89 Sex. Tell your husband he's welcome.

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@TheDailyShow Jack Sparrow

[David Holdford @dholdford]

@raquelmiranda89

[Arnold Schwarzenegger @Schwarzenegger]

You were so right, Lindsey.

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

Overall, a terrible night for Kirk Cameron.

[todd levin @toddlevin]

Good news is, if Loeffler loses tonight most of her jeans and flannel shirts are still well within their 30-day return policy.

[Matt Oswalt @MattOswaltVA]

I don't read comic books, is Super Gonorrhea in the DC or Marvel Universe?