Diary of an Egg

I'm an egg that has a twitter.

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

So I'm not homogenized, but I just found out that one of my egg friends is. And I'm kind of into that... #nohomo

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

Just read a poetic novel about a killer who convinces a man to join him in eating his odd-colored victims. #stopseuss

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

One fish, two fish, red—
there are no eggs in this book…
Dr. Seuss hates eggs. #haiku #tryingtofinddrseussbookwitheggs #eggcellentpoetry

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

@LifeofVur I don't to be eggcited that you thought of me or scared...

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

@AKessel7 That was an eggceptional foreign language pun. Ei respeggct your comedic vision, even though I got no eyes. #eggstraspecialkessel

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood... And I rolled helplessly on the ground. Because I am an egg. #inspiring #nolegs #eggcellentpoetry

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m an egg, I have no concept of color... #eyeswouldhelp #eggcellentpoetry

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

I have discovered a love for egg-based poetry. My favorite poet? Emily Chickenson. #immachickensson #butseriouslyeggspectpoetry

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

I’m surrounded by eggheads, but the only heated debate they have ever gotten into was about incubators. #incubatorsgonnaincubate

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

If I were to buy a car I would get a HATCHback. Why? BECAUSE I NEED A LARGE CARGOHOLD FOR ALL THESE PUNS! #thiseggisonfire #ilikemyeggspunny

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

@itsxtricky No comment because I'm fairly certain I'm a velociraptor NOT a chicken egg... LET MY DINO DELUSIONS BE!!!! #eggdenial #dino4lyfe

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

THE DEMONIC RABBIT HAS COME AND GONE, AND I HAVE LIVED TO SEE ANOTHER DAY. Well, not see... I don't have eyes... #imanegg #eggstatic #easter

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

Hidden Egg's Log: Have not seen another egg for 45 minutes. What if they went EGGSTINCT! SO MANY EGGSISTENTIAL QUESTIONS! #ipunwhenimscared

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

Been hiding for 30 minutes now. Starvation has set in. Ironically I wish I was full of candy to eat. #idonthaveamoutheither #easterprobs

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

@EasterBunny HAS A TWITTER! IT KNOWS I'M IN THE TOASTER! *whispers* new hiding place acquired. hint: #feelingsaucy

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

STILL SCARED OF THE DEVIL BUNNY COMING ON SUNDAY, but under the fridge was dirty. Moving to the toaster. #imtoastlol

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

FEAR OF EGG-NABBING RABBITS HAS OVERRUN THE KITCHEN. ALL EGGS GOING INTO HIDING. DIBS ON UNDER THE FRIDGE. #hidden

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

A psychopathic rabbit that kidnaps eggs and throws us in people's yards? MY NIGHTMARES HAVE COME TRUE! #nocandyinthisegg #bringitbunny

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

Easter's on Sunday, and everybody in the fridge is freaking out! I DON'T WANT TO DYE! #eggprobs #whattheshellhumans!

[Diary of an Egg @diaryofanegg]

How many eggs does it take to screw in lightbulb? No. Really. How many? It's really dark in the fridge, and I still have no arms. #eggprobs