Kieranhic

my thoughts. probably going to die by 2030 so just sharing stuff

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

https://t.co/msLJuk2lfk

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

Its really weird, im using this as an online dairy, I've been so good recently and even though I've bought a bottle tonight IM still extremely proud of myself, getting to a level where I don't buy a bottle after a few drinks will take time

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

I feel like I'm bipolar, like a different Kieran has taken control of my head, I want to travel to north England and take that 900 pounds, I want to take Tina but the real Kieran who's losing RN is failing

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

honestly if the spain trip doesnt work i haven't got anything to look forward to, ww3 going to start soon, my siblings are okay and my mum is okay, so instead of thinking of that night every moment of the day i could just be happy

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

Ordered my diary and made the first step

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

like kieran why do you drink all the time, erm maybe cause i remember when you made fun of gays and im a gay guy who been abused, beaten and cheated on, and all i want is someone who can understand ME

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

like no one understandings me, i just felt everyone eyes judging me not seeing the little boy that needs and wants help, like for most of my life i couldn't let anyone find out i like guys, and ive seen what my family said about my dad, i dunno being my true self scares me

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

just feel like ive honestly lost out on true happiest, which i would do over and over again for my two siblings but like now trying to me my true self over the last 18months ive just experienced hate and pain

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

https://t.co/dPilvL8te5

his story makes me so emotional, dunno why humans make two humans of the same sex liking each other such a big thing

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

like unlike bobby i havent got my mum hating me but ive seen what impact my dad has had on my siblings and mum and at the time where i should of been myself i couldnt cause i had a pressure of being the 'man of the house' now cause i been lying to myself for years im just broken

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

honestly if the spain trip doesnt work i haven't got anything to look forward to, ww3 going to start soon, my siblings are okay and my mum is okay, so instead of thinking of that night every moment of the day i could just be happy

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

its crazy, i have this 43 yo who is obbessed with me, he comes to my workplace and messages me all the time(will need to share how i gave him my number), but yuck hes too old, i wouldnt mind using him for money but he seems scary

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

https://t.co/T3QIwBoyhH

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

Like as a masc guy in the community I understand I have it easier but even small things like talking about any guy im speaking to is forbidden to my friendship group

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

Someone who is homosexual will never understand how easy it is for them, people in the LGBTQ community genuinely have to deal with stuff every day even if its the smallest of things

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

And like dealing with all the other stuff by yourself like im consistently lying to everyone knowing that my health isn't perfectly fine but like what can I do, guys my ex fucked me up and I probably have 10 years of living cause of him

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

Woken up to the thoughts of Anthony as I do everyday, you would think after all these years it would get easier but it never is, for some reason it gets harder every day

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

the massive problem with the gay community is the fine line with showing too much attention and showing no attention, like if you aint talking about sex nothing genuinely happens long term

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

can i stop, will i ever reach my potential

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

another day another drinking session

[Kieranhic @diaryofkieran]

Since the last time I've been active on here I've wanted to kill myself three times but I've never had the strength