On my third mustache

Inventor of nougat. Dedicated panty grinder. Concave when it counts. Dirty thought leader. Follow me: I will be your second helping.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

I can’t wait to see the movie about Freddie Mercury’s overbite.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

(3/3) Deal Making 101
5. Finally announce loudly, “A deal has been made”. It is the greatest deal ever made. You're welcome. #dealmaking101

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

(2/3) Deal Making 101
3. Cover ears and hum loudly to evade details. Details signal weakness.

4. After 10 minutes agree to something the other guy wants to make him stop talking and just close the deal. It is starting to bore you. #dealmaking101

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

(1/3) Deal Making 101
1. First, announce loudly to the other guy, “We’re gonna make a deal!” That’s usually not enough so say some other words.

2. Nod a lot when the other guy is talking. You are now dominating him. A deal is near. #dealmaking101

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

@5by5kevin @stevewhitaker No offense, but I prefer to have only ladies talk about gravy around me.

[Maciej Ceglowski @baconmeteor]

We are at low risk of ever being called 'The Greatest Generation'

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

@bpfox @sarvay John, did you go through with that diamond-encrusted grill that spells Floricane?

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

@bpfox @sarvay I must've missed the 50% off on Dental Work Groupon.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

@sarvay When you say hanging out you make me wanna do 3 pushups in my panties and then fire up Instagram.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

I say count yourself lucky, NYC. In the city I live in, we know nothing--NOTHING--about our Mayor's penis and balls.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

@giromide Craigslist > Missed Connections > m4other > m4mammal > strictly platonic

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

@theresa_lauren Lesser Pandemic.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

You know, you've really gotta give it to Mandatory Charities…#waitforit

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

America, save yourself. Send Justice Scalia slabs of rich, artery-clogging lasagna to "thank" him for his enlightened jurisprudence.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

Don't worry: Deen still has her lucrative ham-glaze body oil deal @JennyJohnsonHi5 @RexHuppke

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

Last night's episode of Daddy Fucked a Tranny proved that there is in fact a growing demand for anal product placement.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

I have to remember, it's the small things that matter. Like itty bitty Rolls Royce's and tiny gold coins.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

Christianity is such a godawful religion.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

I have to admit I have always been impressed by Pope Benedict's ability to say "Sorry for raping your children" in 10 languages.

[On my third mustache @dickchiclets]

The thing I enjoy most about getting a new Pope is that new Pope smell.