Jimothy

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

You know what’s crazy, there are 327 million people in the US, 50.8 percent of them are women, that’s 163,500,000 women.
19,536,809 of them are moms under the age of 50, and at least 7 of them are yelling at a teenager over a chicken sandwich right now

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

@streamys @markiplier @CrankGameplays Memento Mori

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

West Virginia is pretty pretentious if you ask me, just be Virginia

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

Every single hero wears a cape, whoever told you they don’t is an idiot, they all have capes, that’s what makes them heroes

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

Fuck

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

@musiciswin A Piano

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

Hell of a haircut *gunshot*

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

i do not fuck with any burrito without heft. if your shit is convenient and portable, take it elsewhere. i want a burrito that is burdensome. unwieldy. when i raise it to my mouth, i should feel the weight of the mistake i am about to make. no child should be able to eat this.

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

People who mow their lawns in the morning < Literally anyone else

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

@musiciswin First act acoustic guitar and Epiphone special 2, I’m 23 and have 14 guitars and they’re still hanging on the wall

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

Guys talk about getting blowjobs like bruh doesn’t your dick get cold

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

@prtty_peachy Ok

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

Reasons Godzilla would win: laser beams, diamond scales, tall as a skyscraper, claws, has a track record of annihilating everything

Reasons King Kong would win:
Because he’s bananas
B-A-N-A-N-A-S bananas

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

@tayyyleerrr I support this pettiness

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

You don’t know shit about fuck —Jack Binnion

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

We’re all living in a video game and doing the electric slide is just your player inputting a cheat code

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

12 AM happens before 11 AM

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

Do you put the milk in before or after you pour the cheez its

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

Whenever things get rough I just imagine this funky guy from shark boy and lava girl telling me to “dream a better dream” and it just makes everything ok for a little while

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

If you have more than one picture of your cat on you tinder profile you need to reevaluate

[Jimothy @dicknballs42069]

Imagine making the conscious decision to apply at a Chuck E. Cheese and then that’s your job