The Dick Van Yikes Show

Basically philosophers. Frequently hangry. Instagram:

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

adding ‘lmao’ so nobody thinks I’m actually being vulnerable

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

Time for him to get off the apps and onto the therapy telehealth platform

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

Moving to Denver is the man equivalent of cutting your hair after a breakup

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

There is nothing more demeaning than chasing a ping pong ball

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

New fear unlocked: looking stupid on the jumbotron at a sports game

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

I would be a horrible football player because someone would tackle me and I would apologize and ask if they were okay

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

why is nobody talking about ‘girl fridge’
- 2-5 skincare items minimum
- coffee
- ‘treat’ drink of choice
- leftovers from 4 days ago
- carrots and hummus

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

those of you who always lost ‘never have i ever’ in high school, how’s your mortgage husband and 2 kids

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

“what do you want to be when you grow up?”

emotionally stable

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

aggressively defend you in public, “what the fuck were you thinking” in private

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

*at the altar*

him: I do!

me: I do! But like nooooo pressure.

[Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources @waDNR]

To avoid straining your eyes at work, use the 20-20-20 rule: Every 20 minutes, go for a 20-minute hike and spend the next 20 years in the woods.

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

god: “Want to live through another major historical event?”

me: “nah i’m good”

god: “It was rhetorical question.”

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

list of things that are not for men:
- water fountains
- straws
- shorts outside the gym
- open toed shoes

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

*actively getting love bombed*

me: finally someone who gets it 🥰

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

the only romance in my life is my Excel model

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

crying in the sauna bc nobody can tell if it’s sweat or tears

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

“what’s it like to date in NYC?”

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

not to be dramatic but if i’m not outside looking hot and shaking my tush immediately i might turn to dust

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom friends out there

[The Dick Van Yikes Show @dickvanyikes]

“you’re allergic to something”
yeah, your attitude